


Perfidy: Erwin Smith

by PearlDrops



Series: Quisling: Erwin x Reader [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 1940s, Alliances, Alternate History, Alternate Universe - 1940s, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Shingeki no Kyojin Fusion, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Ambiguity, Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Ambushes and Sneak Attacks, Angst, Angst and Drama, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Arguing, Betrayal, Blackmail, Blood Loss, Brotherly Love, Character Death, Confessions, Conflict, Conflict of Interests, Conversations, Coping, Death, Deception, Declarations Of Love, Denial of Feelings, Desperation, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Drama, Drama & Romance, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Dubious Morality, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Execution, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Fear, Fear of Death, Fear of Discovery, Feelings, Feels, Fights, First Love, First Meetings, Forbidden Love, France (Country), Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Gunshot Wounds, Heartache, Historical, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical References, Hostage Situations, Internal Conflict, Jealousy, Late Night Conversations, Lies, Loss, Loss of Control, Loss of Faith, Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Major Character Injury, Male-Female Friendship, Manipulative Relationship, Medical, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Trauma, Mental Anguish, Mental Coercion, Mercy Killing, Military, Military Background, Military Uniforms, Modern Era, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Moral Ambiguity, Moral Dilemmas, Morally Ambiguous Character, Murder, Mystery, Nazis, Near Death Experiences, Nurses, Nurses & Nursing, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Plot Twists, Prisoner of War, Psychological Drama, Questioning, Questions, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Realistic, Sabotage, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Self-Denial, Self-Doubt, Self-Insert, Series, Soldiers, Spies & Secret Agents, Subterfuge, Survivor Guilt, Suspicions, Talking, Talking To Dead People, True Love, Truth, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension, War, Widowed, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-06-23 01:13:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15594954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlDrops/pseuds/PearlDrops
Summary: May 10th 1940.For nine long months, France has avoided much of the fighting. The 'phoney war', comes to an abrupt end when Hitler pushes through with his plan of attack.Codename: Case Yellow.Launching an armoured offensive through the Ardennes Forest, it eludes the solid defence of the Maginot Line.Forced out of her home, and into the line of fire, she is faced with the reality of her decisions. Accompanying the men who she kept hidden for eight long months to reach their homelands advancing army, she is thrown into the thick of the fighting.





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

Only a thin slither of wood separated them. Breathing erratic, a single hand cupped the ragged breaths, feet sliding back across the weathered boards, and carrying {Name} deeper in the shadows.

  
One foot raised on the ball, the heel lowered, a tipped over bottle spinning out from under the boot; it scratched across the floor.

  
Heart hammering {Name}'s body stiffened when the hard crack of a gun being prepared rung through the night air.

They'd heard it and were now aware of {Name}'s hiding spot.

  
Caught in the panic of wanting to run, but knowing it would be futile {Name}'s arms fanned out, fingers wide as she lowered her body to the floor.  
Searching for something, anything, to throw them off her scent.

  
The creak of the boards a few feet ahead of {Name} made her swallow the rising panic; making her want to flee her legs became agitated and wobbly, her balance lingering dangerously. One wrong move and she would topple over.

  
Nail scraping on the smooth edge of the glass {Name} rolled it quickly into the waiting palm at the exact moment the muzzle of a gun appeared in the doorway.  
Biting harshly on her bottom lip {Name} gripped the bottle tightly, before throwing it deeper into the bowels of the building.

  
There was a painful silence before a smash emitted in the depths of the building. Coarse whispering and the muzzle of the gun became a blurred body; it's blackened outline rushing smoothly over the old boards, in search of the noise.

  
Chest tight with the pent-up breath {Name} exhaled slowly, eyes dancing over the doorway that was only a few short steps from her. If {Name} was quick, it could be reached in a matter of seconds, the soldier distracted, it left the only exit wide open.

  
A foot raised, it swiftly met the boards again. The outline of another body stretched across the doorway, the looming figure blocking out the thin slither of moonlight that spilled into the rundown cabin.

  
There were more.

  
Trapped inside {Name} became motionless in the crouched position. Fingers stretching down to the old rotting wood for extra support, she could feel the burn in both her calves.

  
Only a little longer, if {Name} could just remain still for a bit longer, she was sure the soldiers would move on.

  
_"It's empty Claude,"_ in a gruff whisper the man covering the exit called after the man searching with some kind of bloodlust in the darkness of the cabin _"Let's go."_ Ordering the man out, a hand beckoned his comrade.

  
From the shadows, the gun appeared first, slinking out like a predator until his body was illuminated by the moonlight.

  
Under the white light, {Name} could see the burning hunger in his eyes, the man was out to sate his desire for death. Feral looking in the gloomy cabin the uniform was painted in deep crimson shades, which, by the way, the man moved stealthily, were not his own.

  
_"One of them came in here,"_ teeth bared from under snarling lips the man threw his head to the side as he spat on the floor _"I know it."_ Speaking with conviction, the man advanced on his comrade slowly, eyes darting left and right until they landed on the spot {Name} was crouched in.

  
Jaw quivering {Name} stared back into the man's eyes; they were dark by nature, and obscure in intention.

Ever so slowly the upper lip curled at the edge, the gun changing aim from the floor, to be pointed squarely at {Name} _"Come out, come out."_ With a sing-song voice, and waspish snigger he approached {Name}.

  
It was possible the man, named Claude, could not tell that {Name} was female in the little light. It would be a gamble, but there were no other options available to her at that moment, the man closing in on her, was permeating murderous intent.

  
_"Wait,"_ throwing out both hands to display the palms, and that she was unarmed {Name} was never more thankful for that moment that French was her favoured tongue _"Please."_ Pleading with the man {Name} shuffled forward on her feet, keeping low to the floor both arms trembled.

  
The man paused, a suspicious look taking over a side glance was shot to his companion _"I told you someone was in here."_ Remaining to whisper the gunpoint was lowered _"A woman, Pierre."_ Calling to the man who crossed over the threshold into the cabin, a lecherous smile drifted over the man's mouth, exposing what {Name} could now see to be yellowish teeth.

  
Beside him, the man called Pierre, gave a barking laugh, the gun held to his side set down to rest against the wall before he dropped into a crouch.

  
_"Ah, ma cheri,"_ cooing, or possibly taunting, the man stretched out a hand to {Name} _"Come with us, we'll take good care of you."_ Fingers curling, like the offer was enticing the man's feet shuffled closer to where {Name} was still crouched.

  
It was possible, that {Name} may have made a catastrophic error in judgement. With a shake of the head {Name} backed up a little, mind wired and wary, she scoped out the building. Limited by the lack of light, and nearly boxed back into a corner {Name} could see one, and only one option was open to her.

  
Fingers crawling up the wall {Name} stood up slowly, legs close to cramping she swayed on her feet. Acting aggressively would no doubt make the situation worse, but being too meek would leave her to be vulnerable.

 

{Name} needed to temporarily balance between the two. Act compliant, but not overly so, until she figured a way out of this.

  
Stepping forward {Name} mustered a coy smile _"Be gentle."_ Using a soft, somewhat seductive tone her stomach knotted when the two soldiers exchanged a glance. The words triggering some kind of lust within them she could partially understand.

  
Getting to his feet, the one called Pierre caught up in his excitement, forgot to retrieve his weapon. Claude a little more sensible kept his own at his side, still, in a firm grip it was lowered _"Come along."_ He spoke in a breathy whisper, back angling away from {Name} to exit the cabin.

  
Sliding across the wall {Name} kept them both in her sights, fingers curling around the muzzle {Name} lifted it quietly.

  
Wrapped up in the prospect of what {Name} was going to offer the two men, they forgot their reason for being stalking through the cabin. Far too relaxed, the men stepped out, {Name} close behind, she raised the gun up.

  
Using the crooked step to give her a better advantage, the butt struck the back of Claude's head, once to take him down, a second time to ascertain he would not be getting back up for a long while.

  
Falling forward Claude landed on his weapon, Pierre turning at the sound he froze when {Name} levelled the gun at her shoulder. Arms up the soldier backed away, keeping in the shelter of the doorway {Name} listened carefully to their surroundings.

  
Before entering the cabin, {Name} was confident of at least ten other soldiers. The little light detrimental {Name} had not realised they were French.

  
The line between ally and enemy was blurred for {Name}. If found by the French in the company of the SS unit, they were her enemies, but on her own, to some degree, they could be allies.

  
Likewise the same was for the advancing German army, she was relatively safe the whole time she was with the SS. If caught with the soldiers of her homeland, they'd no doubt contemplate on her use.

  
Index finger flirting with the trigger {Name} eyed the French soldier when he attempted to take a step towards her _"Don't."_ Giving the warning, {Name} secured the gun on her shoulder _"I will use it."_ Sharply {Name} assured the man, that if it came down to it, she would fire, a momentary relief came when he backed up a step.

  
{Name} by no means wanted to harm the man, but if it came down to it, she would be forced to.


	2. Chapter 2

Knowing that the situation was no better than when they'd discovered her, the lump of nerves collecting in her throat was swallowed down. In the confusion, {Name} was separated from Bertholdt, the bumbling man charged with {Name}'s care when the others went to scout ahead.

Taking cover in the brush, a single shot had broken the solitude of the woodland. The stray bullet having skimmed Bertholdt, he'd pushed her behind him, urging {Name} to go and find cover elsewhere.

Far away from familiar terrain, {Name} stumbled without direction until the rundown cabin came into view. Acutely aware of those pursuing, {Name} was forced into hiding inside, a plan that did not go as well as she'd hoped.

Outside of {Name}'s view, a branch snapped, the noise echoing in the otherwise quiet segment of the woodland {Name}'s index applied pressure on the trigger when the soldier made a grab for the gun.

Staggered by the kick back a foot snagged on a raised board, the disruption of her footing taking her out of the path of the falling soldier.

Gifted no time to process what she'd done {Name} slipped back into the shadows, fingers shaking and sweaty it made keeping a firm grip on the gun difficult.

Eyes switching between the man bleeding out on the floor, and the doorway {Name}'s jaw clenched, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes, it obscured the edges of her sight.

Once more shadows crept across the doorway, though no bodies came into sight, soft footsteps told {Name} that there was indeed more than one person approaching.

Stock still {Name} drew in a calming breath, jaw firm the fingers flexed for a tighter hold on the gun.

_"This one's out cold."_

A whispering voice broke up the footfall, rough and gravelly, it struck like the sweetest of sounds against {Name}'s ears.

Trapping her tongue between her teeth {Name} refrained from calling out, the chance of startling them, and ending up on the wrong end of a gun for the second time that day was not in {Name}'s intention.

_"What about that one?"_

Far softer, and a little higher in pitch Armin inquired after the man {Name} unintentionally shot. A shift in the shadows and a crouched body came into view, the weapon in {Name}'s arms feeling as though it gained weight, she dropped it against her side.

 _"Dead,"_ Mike confirmed with a furtive push of his boot, though he kept from rolling the man over.

At some stage, they'd warned {Name} against the risk of moving a body. It was possible they had landed on a pressure mine or pulled the pin of a grenade before falling. Their weight being the only thing keeping it from being set off.

Observing in some form of shock {Name} didn't move, locked in position it took Mike practically being stood over her, for {Name} to give an indication that she was there.

 _"Is Berthl ok?"_ Whispering out the question, {Name} finally moved when Mike startled at her voice. The large man drawing back with surprising stealth, he was almost out the door before regaining some composure.

  
 _"Fraulein?"_ Quietly calling into the cabin, Armin filled the small gap between Mike and the doorframe, the little man's eyes drawing full when {Name} stepped out of her temporary cover.

Glancing from the recently deceased man to {Name} a brief frown settled on Mike's face, hand out with a degree of wariness he approached {Name} slowly, his breath fanning over her face when he relieved the gun from her possession.

 _"It's ok,"_ Passing the weapon back to Armin when he shouldered his own, Mike curled the freed up hand around {Name}'s forearm _"We need to go."_ Encouraging {Name} to start walking, Mike guided her out of the cabin.

With the rush of air, {Name}'s fingers dabbed at her face, cold and congealed the tips came away red. Staring at them {Name}'s mouth finally unclenched, though the scream never had a chance to get out.

Hand firmly clamped over the orifice Mike twisted {Name} around, her face forcefully buried in his chest as he attempted to subdue the noise _"Sssh, {Name}. It's ok."_ Words tickling the top of her head Mike kept her firm against him, the free arm wrapping at her waist.

Clawing at Mike's coat {Name} eventually shook off his hand, before pushing away from the rough hold.

Calm enough, or instead understanding the risk of making too much noise, she quelled her want to scream, to quiet sobbing.

{Name} had killed another man.

Using the sleeves of the coat {Name} scrubbed the evidence from her face, the motion frantic she didn't stop even when it started to hurt.

In time Armin took a hold on her arms, his face peeking through the gap, a weak smile greeted her _"We have to go."_ Giving both hands a comforting squeeze Armin kept hold of one of {Name}'s hands, guiding them both slowly after Mike, she followed numbly.

Reaching the tree line {Name} cast a glance back to the cabin, lip wobbling {Name} looked ahead when Armin pulled on her hand.

 _"It's best not to think about it,"_ offering advice Armin lowered into a crouch, {Name} mimicking she was brought closer to his side _"It will consume you otherwise."_ Giving {Name} a side glance, a weak, but understanding smile drifted across his mouth.

Dropping to stare at the leaf littered floor {Name} swallowed down the bile bubbling in her throat. Though Armin told {Name} not to think about it, it was impossible to forget the man's face when the gun had fired.

The twist of his mouth, the horror reflected in his eyes. It was on a loop in her mind, replaying in slow motion, reminding {Name} that she'd taken another man's life.  



	3. Chapter 3

A thin stream dribbled beside their temporary camp.

The once clear water running red when {Name}'s hands dipped into the icy liquid, cupping them she brought some of the water to splash on her face.

Running the hands up and down {Name} could only hope the bloody smears were no more, the back of a sleeve used to dry her face {Name} jolted when someone touched a shoulder.

Close to fixated on the water {Name} didn't move when the person dropped to rest on their haunches beside her.

 _"Nile needs your help."_ Quiet and to the point Eren reached his own hands into the water, like {Name}'s they were painted in claret. Observing them {Name} sucked in a wet breath, head bobbing to show she'd understood she pushed to her feet.

Turning, {Name} searched the faces. It was a smaller collection than before, each of them starting to display stress lines, like the ones they'd been wearing when they first landed on her doorstep.

In the cover of a substantial collection of tree barks {Name} caught sight of Nile's profile, he was focused on whatever was on the floor. Mouth pulled into a tense line, his head angled when {Name} approached, though his attention did not slip from the man lying beside him.

Both hands applying pressure to the man's side Nile flicked a look at {Name} when she gripped his arm _"He's only got a few minutes Nile,"_ keeping her voice level {Name} allowed the man on the floor to grip her other hand _"Don't prolong it."_

Giving her individual attention to the man laid between them {Name} took the hand from Nile's arm, the fingers soothing through the man's cropped black hair, she managed a smile when he rolled his head to look at her.

Mouth filled to spilling point with the very substance designed to keep him alive {Name} placed a hand on the man's shoulder when he convulsed. Pushing Nile's hands away {Name} rolled the man to his side, allowing his airway to free up enough that he wouldn't choke on his own blood.

Cupping the man's face to keep it off the floor {Name} examined the opening in his side.

Just like Franz, a lung was punctured.

The small air bubbles foaming in the blood escaping the gaping hole in his chest slowing, {Name} knew he was slipping away.

A rattling breath shook the man's body, one final gargling escape of air spraying the blood from his mouth onto {Name}'s arm, she stared across to where Nile was rested on his knees.

Gripping his thighs Nile hung his head, shoulders flexing in an attempt to break up the tension {Name} looked away when Nile's head snapped up.

Easing the man onto his back, {Name} used the hand that still cupped his face to close the lids over his vacant eyes _"There was nothing we could have done."_ Lips barely parting {Name} caught Nile's face twist in disgust _"We would have only made him suffer."_ Fixing Nile with a blank stare {Name} waited patiently for him to say what he wanted, or instead needed to say.

Jaw wiggling in it's joint Nile's nostrils flared with the deep exhale of breath, mouth parting, they quickly snapped shut, the bottom lip drawn between his teeth when he looked away.

 _"How can you be so cold?"_ Sniping at {Name} a hand gestured at {Name}, disbelief painted boldly on Nile's face the hand drew back to cup his mouth, the fingers pinching at his cheeks _"Is it not your job to save lives."_ Closer to hissing Nile pushed toward {Name}, dark eyes ignited with a wave of anger she did not think he could possess, it was extinguished by her response.

 _"It was my job to preserve life."_ Putting emphasis on the 'was' {Name} didn't budge from Nile's intrusion of her personal space, his face inches from hers _"I'm not the medic,"_ pausing when the tip of Nile's nose brushed against hers, his breath was hot and heavy on her face _"You are."_ Whispering the last two words {Name} watched Nile's eyes zigzag in their sockets, his bottom jaw thrown forward, the teeth gnawed at his top lip.

Casting her gaze off to the side {Name} froze when Nile's mouth pushed roughly at {Name}’s chest, toppling her.

After a few lingering seconds, {Name} sat up, rubbing a spot on her chest, Nile wide-eyed when {Name} met them with confusion.

Unable to speak {Name} threw a look around the camp. It appeared that not everyone was back yet, and more importantly, no one was looking their way.

 _"Sorry."_ Bleating the apology Nile scratched a hand up the back of his head, a shameful heat spreading across his face.

Shaking her head quickly {Name} waved it off _"I think it's best we forget it._ " Excusing the unexpected shove, {Name} didn't quite meet with Nile's worrisome gaze.

Putting the action down to stress and wired nerves {Name} placed a hand on her knee, getting to her feet she took a step back _"I need to wash my hands."_ In a daze {Name} drifted back to the small stream, the stained fingers held out, and replicating claws she wove through the few men who'd returned.

Erwin's absence notable, {Name} kept the thoughts of what could have become of him at bay. Mike assured {Name} that Erwin was all right, and that he'd be back before Mike once more left their camp.

Trusting in Mike's word, all {Name} could do was wait. Unspoken questions on the faces of the few gathered in the small clearing, it was evident they were gearing themselves up to hear the worse.

No longer in the carefree bubble that {Name}'s cottage provided, they were out in the open, exposed, and massively outnumbered and under-equipped for the situation.

Germany finally having made an aggressive assault on the French border at the time it had been expected, the men were preparing to leave when it happened.

Dangling her sullied hands in the water {Name} let her head fall against her raised knees, eyes scrunching tightly to hide the tears threatening to spill.

With some reluctance {Name} had sat with Erwin at the kitchen table, a map spread between them {Name} pointed out a path for Erwin and the others to take, that should have provided them cover and an almost clear route for them to rejoin with the German army.

  
By dawn, they'd been packed and ready to depart.

A moment shared with Erwin to assure that she'd be waiting for him, a low droning noise from the sky above broke what could have been a tender parting.

In the safety of the trees that fenced the edge of the farm, {Name} felt paralysed when the bombs dropped.

The cottage crumbled in two quick hits, {Name} was forced to watch her home, the place that held some of her happiest memories, be raised to the ground.

With nowhere to go, {Name} was forced to join Erwin and the others. Having attempted to argue against it, Erwin finally won her over with a sound and reasonable argument.

{Name} was at far greater risk on her own. Whether {Name} liked it or not, France was fully at war. Though they would be heading into the thick of the fighting, it would be equally as dangerous for {Name} to get to Paris.

Sombre, {Name}, with gentle words of encouragement from the others, embarked on the trip to group with the enemy invading her home. It tore her in two, willingly acting as a guide for them.

Though no different in treachery from the months she'd kept them hidden in her home, or that she was willingly bedding the enemy of the country she'd come to call home, it still had not sat well with her.

The contradictions in her emotions were probably the most gruelling battle {Name} was facing.

One moment {Name} wanted to be with them, to stay in the dysfunctional family they'd become.

In the next breath, {Name} wanted to watch them fall, to lead them astray and into the path of their enemy.

{Name} still, could not decide on which side she longed to be a part of. Following Erwin, meant leaving Levi's memory behind.

At the same time, holding on to Levi would mean letting Erwin slip through her fingers.

A commotion at the edge of the camp brought {Name}'s head up, fingertips skimming the waters surface {Name}'s heart skipped a good few beats, that it left an ache in her chest.

Not quite smiling Bertholdt appeared first, Reiner close behind. Grateful to see Bertholdt alive and well {Name} felt the corners of her mouth tug up into a smile.

Chest flooded in relief {Name} used her coat to dry off her hands. Like the others {Name} got to her feet slowly, mouth moving silently she counted them as they entered the camp.

They'd only lost one man. The man lying over by the cluster of trees, Nile had taken the man's coat to cover him. It was not like they could bury him, so it was the best he could be offered.

Bringing up the rear Erwin appeared, shortly followed by Mike.

A soft nod given in {Name}'s direction Mike clapped Erwin's shoulder, body leaning in to whisper in his ear, she was too far away to make out Erwin's expression.

Wanting to be by Erwin's side {Name} resisted the urge to rush him. Instead, choosing to meet with Bertholdt when the man close to charged at her.

Arm bandaged in some cloth {Name} welcomed Bertholdt's open arms, holding tightly to him {Name} held back a laugh when Bertholdt bungled through an apology and the fact that Reiner threatened to end him when Bertholdt showed up without {Name} in tow.  



	4. Chapter 4

Once more under cover of night, they moved. Silent as shadows they weaved through the thickening wood, their sight obscured by the very things keeping them hidden.

Each step taken with caution to avoid snapping a fallen branch and any potential mines, their progress was hindered.

There were only a few hours of nightfall, and it was crucial to cover as much ground in a short period of time.

Fanning out to provide a more extensive line of vision {Name} was somewhere between Eren and Mike. Erwin, Reiner and Bertholdt taking point, Armin, Erd and Gunther covered the rear.

{Name} stopped.

Fingers extended to ensure that she'd not walk into a tree, the tips touched upon a notch in the bark. Its marking was familiar, a panic swelling in her chest {Name} fanned her right foot outward, until it walloped something.

With a loud, and vicious snap of metal, the trap triggered.

Rapidly the sound of footsteps stopped, the trap having echoed across the area {Name} could hear a mixture of sharp breathy intakes and the guns slipping off their shoulders.

 _"Hunting traps,"_ keeping her voice level, but calling out to whoever was closest to hear {Name} brought the foot back to join the other _"There is a farm around here."_

The traps laid down to keep any potential predators from the farm's livestock; they'd unwittingly become a sound defence for attempted passage. They were lucky none of them stepped into one in truth.

 _"Are you ok?"_ Rough and cutting Eren's question drifted over from somewhere on her left.

Forgetting the little light {Name} made to nod, before remembering that she could barely see them, so they most likely could not see her _"I'm ok, I set it off by accident."_ Responding quietly {Name} pushed another foot forward.

Unlike the first, {Name} would not be so lucky the second time. The trap must have been old; the catch jogged loose so that the slight contact, activated it.

 _"The trees are marked,"_ digging a nail into the chipped bark {Name} traced its ragged edges _"It's a small T shape."_ Passing the information along to Eren, she heard the whispers spread, almost like wind rustling the leaves.

Once sure everyone received the information, they proceeded forward with even more care than they'd started off with.

At the prospect of stumbling across a farm, there was a chance of encountering either French or German soldiers. The possibility of either was daunting for {Name}, especially after the last occasion she'd crossed paths with two soldiers, not of the unit she was travelling with.

Opening fire on the man was never part of {Name}'s plan, but his sudden lunge and her loss of footing resulted in the man receiving a bullet to the chest.

If not for the fact none of them had been able to sleep since the night before, {Name} was confident the French soldier's face would have haunted her dreams.

Up ahead a break in the branches of the trees allowed a slither of moonlight to slip through, a blur of a body passing just outside the misshapen stream of light {Name} adjusted her course to avoid stepping on it.

As welcome as the lighting was, it was by no means a blessing.

In the almost perpetual darkness, they were hindered by it, in the same capacity, they were protected. For if their vision - though adjusted to the poor lighting - were not great, then neither would their enemies be much better.

Arms stretched out in an almost balancing act; they skimmed up and down the barks of the trees she passed, boots moving cautiously through the leaf and dirt that surrounded them, she froze.

Far off to her, right another metallic snapping brought them all to a stop.

Ears prickling as the expected cry of pain, or a message to say that the person was fine noticeably absent, {Name} felt the change in the atmosphere.

It was the beginning of May, the nights though coming with a slight chill were warm. With the silence that now spread through the wood, it was accompanied by a deathly cold chill that clawed up {Name}'s spine, warning her that something was not right.

No one was talking, and it begged the question of why?

{Name} knew that Eren was somewhere on her left, which meant Mike was to her right. Fingers searching the darkness, cautious movements carried her away from her original path.

It was risky, as {Name} was told to keep between Mike and Eren until told otherwise.

  
Something, though, was pulling {Name} like a magnet, her north to its south, she needed to answer its call.

Fingers touching on something warm {Name} felt Mike shift at the contact, the tips grazing his back they pulled away when Mike turned _"What is it?"_ Keeping to a whisper, he inquired after {Name}'s presence, a question she wasn't exactly sure how to answer.

 _"Who set the trap off?"_ Huddled against Mike's side, {Name} could feel the tenseness in his body, it practically seeped from him _"No one has said anything, it's probably fine."_ With a deft response, Mike made to brush {Name} aside, his elbow angled to nudge her back to where she was before, it stopped when {Name} gripped the sleeve of his coat.

 _"That's the problem,"_ pushing the arm down {Name}'s gaze narrowed, in the close proximity she could barely make out Mike's expression, he looked annoyed _"Why haven't they said anything?"_

It was possible that the trap was accidentally set off, or even that an animal had the misfortune of being snared, but the lack of communication to say as much, troubled {Name}.

With all of the men ground to a halt {Name} could hear something gurgled and wet carried through the thicket.

Taking the hand back from Mike's arm {Name} slid past, her steps overly cautious but caught in nervous excitement, she wanted to break into a run, but the booby-trapped floor kept the urge at bay.

Shadows and blurs kept {Name} vigil, eyes flicking left and right for any sign of hostile movement, her heart thundered in her chest. If asked what had {Name} so sure that something was amiss, all she'd be able to say was a gut instinct.

The fact none of the others appeared to be worried about the trap being set off, and no word carried through the lines, put {Name} on edge.

Were they too tired to care? Or was something more malignant at play?

In time {Name} left behind the other men, their bodies still shuffling and waiting, she'd announced her presence before scuttling by them.

Sensing no movement {Name}'s body tingled, it felt as though the trees possessed eyes, all of them watching and waiting for her to stumble upon the cause of her unease.

No longer in nervous excitement, she felt tense, the icy fingers from before scratching up her back to curl at her shoulders, whispering in both ears and ushering {Name} forward.

It hit {Name}'s nose first, hot and coppery, it burned the back of her throat, its iron taste lingering on her tongue.

Fresh blood.

With a hand clawing at her stomach {Name} stopped walking, it wasn't necessary. Face down in the trap {Name} now understood why there'd been no word or even a pained shout.

A slight break in the trees poured light on the man, highlighting where the hunting traps teeth bit into his face. The force of the trap leaving the man's head misshapen, it was far slimmer than it should have been.

From the rusted teeth, red rivers flowed, blending into the darkness, and leaving an inch of his skin visible barely. Longish hair having fanned out with the fall, sat on the curved edges of the trap, congealed and sticky.

Inhaling sharply {Name} flicked down the body to the actual culprit of the man's death.

Blade driven down until all that was visible was a handle, it sat between his hunched shoulders. Body still in a lingering spasm, a booted foot twitched among the dirt.

  
Ian Dietrich.

Without a doubt it was Ian.

Recognising Ian's hair and slim build in the non-existent light {Name} cupped the sound begging to be free of her mouth with one hand, lowering to a crouch, a hand reached for the handle of the blade.

Taking four heaving pulls to retrieve it {Name} turned the knife over in her hands. It would be no good now if the men started turning on each other with accusations and suspicion.

If not for their safety, then for {Name}'s, it was going to be kept quiet that the reason Ian was now face down in a trap, was due to one of their own.

The surety of {Name}'s conviction that it was one of the men with them, and not a sneaking French soldier being the blade was one of theirs. That, and Ian's was still in its sheath and strapped to his hips.

Twisting on one foot when the crunching of another's approach halted {Name} narrowed her gaze at the silhouette looming in the darkness, the bloodied and armed hand hidden at her side {Name} shifted her weight, ready to launch off her feet and run if she needed to.

Unable to sense any aggression from the body {Name} drew the bottom lip between her teeth when the body moved into view, the small slither of moonlight cast over the man's ice blue hues, they were lost in their intensity by the overbearing bags beneath his eyes.

  
Erwin was tired and drawn, and his face and body were reflecting that.

 _"Ian,"_ not needing to be asked {Name} pushed the knife into the side of her boot, freeing up the hand so that it could join the other in searching for the release mechanism _"He must have tripped."_ Voice pitching when the teeth of the trap relinquished their hold on Ian's face {Name} bit back the bile attempting to rise in the back of her throat when a fresh, hot spray of blood sullied her hands.

Trying to be as gentle as the situation allowed {Name} freed Ian's face from the trap, pushing it aside before lowering him to the ground. Like the other man, they could not bury Ian, but at the very least {Name} could give the man back some of his dignity and release him from the trap.

Still no word came from Erwin; instead, he lingered under the moonlight, his gaze practically burning into {Name}'s back _"You were supposed to stay with Eren and Mike,"_

Crackling out the words {Name} once more twisted to face Erwin _"I don't think you realise the gravity of the situation we're in right now."_ Obviously annoyed by {Name}'s wandering off Erwin didn't hide it in his voice.

It was not concern or care, but outright irritation at her purposely separating and searching out the individual who'd triggered the second trap.

Giving Ian a parting glance {Name} got to her feet, both hands spread out in front of her; again they were painted in someone's blood.

Curling the fingers back into the palms {Name} glanced up at Erwin, they'd hadn't shared a word since the moment he'd returned to the camp the night before.

A distance creeping between them, it was not a time to discuss the matter, when more pressing issues needed to be addressed.

Approaching Erwin's side a knee pulled up, her thigh brushing against the back of his hand the murder weapon was dragged out of the side of her boot _"Someone will be missing this,"_

Dropping the leg {Name} offered out the handle for Erwin to take, a sidelong glance given to her, it eventually landed on the knife _"They put it in Ian's back."_ Mumbling the information {Name} was thankful when Erwin relieved her of the blade.

Turning it over in his hands Erwin's brow drew down when his eyes narrowed _"The name you gave,"_ balancing the tip and handle point between a finger of each hand Erwin spun the blade slowly _"The one my father wrote down,"_ he paused again before taking a firm hold on the handle.

The stained point pressed under {Name}'s chin she attempted to draw back, Erwin's arm looping around her waist keeping her in place Erwin brought his face to be level with hers _"Were you lying?"_

Swallowing carefully {Name} felt the skin of her neck roll over the edge of the blade, attempting to place distance between herself and the knife it was thwarted when Erwin's hand stroked up the centre of her spine before the fingers closed around the back of her neck.

 _"No."_ meeting Erwin in a dead-on stare {Name} hoped that he would believe what she was saying to be true.

Uncertainty painted clearly in the sharp blue eyes Erwin possessed they relaxed when the knife was removed.

Using the hand on the back of {Name}'s neck Erwin brought her close, their mouths meeting a little too tenderly for the situation they were in, for the one Erwin placed {Name} in, she brought a hand to push at his chest.

Breaking apart Erwin wore a vague expression, somewhere between irritation, and upset, a sigh relaxed his shoulders _"Keep this between us,"_ brushing the back of his hand down {Name}'s cheek Erwin leant in, placing another kiss upon {Name}.

 _"The men are uneasy as it is. It's best to keep them calm until we can all rest."_ Speaking of his concern, and his own awareness of their sleep-deprived states Erwin motioned for them to walk back.  



	5. Chapter 5

  
Clumped together on the small ledge they used each other for support and balance.

The earth sloping away into a vertical drop, it would require care to climb down without causing them injury.

Fingers pinching at the thin trunk of a birch tree {Name} stared out across the land, two small spectres of light giving the location of the farmhouse away; the surrounding area looked to be clear.

Kept further in place by the arm Bertholdt held around {Name}'s back, the gentle shake of his body coursed down the arm. For though it wasn't cold, the men were tired, and by the faint rumbles stretching up and down their line, they were also hungry.

Adjusting the footing {Name} gazed down to the fields, and the house as the men spoke amongst themselves, eyes narrowed at the tiny spectres of light {Name} nearly missed the indication they were going to drop down.

One by one, the line became smaller, each man hopping down after passing their rifle to the left, it eventually came to Bertholdt's turn. Handing {Name} the gun from his shoulder she watched him hop off the edge carefully, after a minute of steadying his footing a hand reached up for {Name} to lower the weapon.

Coming to her turn {Name} shuffled closer to the sloping edge of dirt, Bertholdt's arms stretched out to catch her, a second of hesitation came before {Name} budged.

Captured by the ribs from Bertholdt, her fingers scrunched into the shoulders of his coat, feet hovering an inch or so from the floor, he set her down carefully.

 _"Thank you."_ Whispering the gratitude as she corrected her attire {Name} turned to accept Reiner's rifle, a side step was taken to allow the heavily built man to drop, the others followed in quick succession.

It was quiet, beside the low inhales of air from the men, nothing appeared to move. Not even a breeze to stir the trees, everything was still, leaving {Name} the impression they were staring at a painting, and not a farm.

Cattle sheds, hay bales, and an old horse cart occupied the edge they were closest too. Beyond it lay the house, warm light spilling from a crack in the downstairs curtain her gaze scoped out the upper windows.

They were dark, and a perfect vantage point to pick them off.

It was impossible though for them to progress, without passing through the farm.

  
 _"Fraulein?"_ Erwin's voice drifted down the line, all at once {Name} felt the men's eyes switch to her.

 _"What?"_ answering quietly {Name} chewed on the inner side of her lip, whatever Erwin was about to ask, {Name} knew she was not going to like it.

Paying close attention to the noises that surrounded her, a slow inhale was taken.

Bait, decoy, distraction tactic.

All three appropriately described {Name} at that moment.

Choosing to use {Name} to inspect the situation, and see whether they were able to pass through safely, it left her feeling like a sheep dropped among wolves.

Erwin's angle being that if they were French, they would deal with it. If German, then she would be okay once they regrouped with her. Being able to fluently, and easily converse in both languages, and not bearing any military attire, {Name}'s only risk was if they harboured ill intention.

At odds with Erwin's open and unabashed using of {Name} for such a thing, she broke away from the group. Part of {Name} hoping that the house would provide somewhere that she could hold up until the end of the war.

A silly and fleeting idea, {Name} pushed the thought aside once she stepped out onto the old dirt path that wound around the farmland.

Assured that they were covering {Name} a tentative step took her out of the darkness the woodland provided. With no trees over the top, {Name} may as well have jumped up and down singing to announce her presence, for the moonlight dropped right on her like a spotlight.

Giving the road a glance up and down {Name} felt a meagre relief that no one was hiding in the blind spots they provided, returning to look up at the house {Name} moved with reservation.

Halting at the simple picket fence {Name} closed a hand around the weathered top panel, deep gouges leaving the woods innards to splinter out {Name} chose to hoist her leg over entirely, rather than risk stepping on the bottom slat.

{Name} had a feeling it would give way under her weight.

Climbing over with care {Name} whipped a hand around her back, checking that none of her clothing snagged a small mumbling of obscenities filtered from her mouth. Standing between the cattle shed and a collection of barrels {Name} knew that in a few steps, she would no longer be in the men's sights.

Steeling her nerves {Name} tiptoed to the edge of the shed, body lowering to a crouch before she poked her head out.

Looking up the field and away from the house, it was absent of movement, an old wheelbarrow upturned beside the mouth of a well {Name} turned to peer down and towards the house.

Forced to bite fiercely down on the bottom lip, it didn't entirely conceal the strained, screaming notes.

The long handle of the pitchfork wobbled under the strain of keeping what {Name} suspected had been the owner of the farm to the door of the cattle shed.

The sharp fork points speared the gangly man through his stomach, body curled forward he hung from the door like a limp puppet, whose string had been severed.

Attempting to back up {Name} faltered when the cold kiss of metal tapped the nape of her neck.

 _"Be a good girl,"_ from behind a voice cooed, the notes warm, and almost soliciting they sent a flutter through {Name}'s chest _"And don't scream."_

Scraping the blade from the nape to push down the collar of {Name}'s coat, a warm hand snaked around her throat, jaw caught between a finger and thumb, it forced her head to tip back.

Pressed to the chest of the man {Name}'s fingers bit into her kneecaps when the male breathed heavily against her ear _"You're not alone, are you?"_ stubble scratching at the lobe of {Name}'s ear as he spoke she picked out the heavy Germanic accent.

Still acutely aware of the knife point at the nape of her neck {Name} shook her head slowly, mouth drying out, the tongue flicked nervously over the arch at the top of her mouth.

At the very least {Name} confirmed that the people occupying the house were of the same kin as the men she was travelling with. Unlike before {Name} was at a complete loss for what to do.

Telling the man that those accompanying {Name} were on his side was a viable option, but in the same breath, he would have no reason to believe her.

 _"They're German,"_ switching to the tongue more familiar with the man, {Name} clenched her teeth when the tip of the blade was tapped against the exposed skin of her neck _"They're back there."_ Releasing one knee {Name} lifted the hand to indicate the direction she'd come from.

Sensing the man crane to look in the direction {Name} pointed, the hand he held on her throat moved to squeeze painfully at the joints of her jaw _"Flagon, check it out."_ Calling to another, {Name} caught a shadow slither out from the cattle shed, walking in the opposite direction to where they were crouched {Name} gave herself a mental kick.

Giving up their location was not necessarily a wise choice, but she had little other option than to tell the man where they were.

A little too long a silence spread across the old farmland, the man at her back so taut with tension; it felt like he'd snap apart.

Jaw aching with the pressure he kept on it {Name} attempted to lightly wiggle the joints, wanting him to release the hold, even if only a fraction she stopped all attempted movement when she was dragged up to stand by the hand holding her face.

Fingers closing around the wrist of the man when he pulled her tight to his front {Name} tightened the grip when the knife was brought to flick the underside of her bottom lip _"She yours?"_ The man's tone came through with a hint of teasing, his body swaying from side to side, she was forced to move with him.

Wrapped up in focusing on the blade point {Name} only caught sight of the butt of the gun on its retrieval.

Freed of the hold, {Name} almost fell back with the man when one of his arms snagged at her shoulder. A hand closing tightly on the front of her coat keeping her upright, {Name} was dragged forward and away from the groaning man.

Jaw freed {Name} wriggled it side to side, fingers closed tightly on the front of Erwin's jacket she remained in his hold as he gave orders to the men.

One drawn to her attention specifically when Erwin commanded one of the men to tie up the man who'd essentially held {Name} hostage.

Angling back until Erwin was entirely in {Name}'s sight, the lids narrowed at the man. Still focused on securing the area but apparently aware of her displeasure, the hand keeping {Name} close to him squeezed at her side.

 _"The house is clear,"_ Nile piped up from behind, _"I think it was only the two."_

A dull thud, and a muffled cry of pain, {Name} hazard a guess that someone kicked the man they'd tied up.

Finding both ears enveloped by Erwin's hands {Name} reached with her own to cover them, trying to pull clear, he applied a little more pressure to keep them in place.

Voices muffled and difficult to discern {Name} flicked her eyes up a second before Erwin's head dropped to look down at her _"Go inside."_ Taking both hands from her ears Erwin gave {Name} a gentle push, her footing a little off, she tripped back across the unkempt grass.

Without a word, {Name} turned away, the offered hand from Bertholdt ignored, his careful positioning did not completely hide the man being dragged by two others around the side of the house.

{Name} took the few feet to the steps of the house in a run, reaching the door it was barely open when the painfully familiar bark of a gun echoed through the night.

Casting a glance over at Erwin a knot formed in her stomach when a placid gaze was returned.

Unable to keep eye contact {Name} finally done as she'd been told, entering the house the back of a hand pressed over her mouth when a whimpering sob rushed forward.

No matter what {Name} thought, or what her moral stance was, she knew that she had to keep it in mind that they were at war. Death was a certainty, and at times, a necessary evil.  



	6. Chapter 6

Straddling the kitchen chair so that the backrest provided a rest for both arms, {Name} used them for a makeshift pillow.

Only becoming aware of how exhausted she was when provided a small taste of safety, it proved a difficult task to keep both eyes open. Allowing them to close {Name} drifted between states of consciousness and kept from falling into a deeper sleep by occasionally swaying her body.

Accustomed to sleep deprivation from working long hours at the hospital, this was an entirely new experience. Inside the hospital {Name} never needed to watch her back, or be cautious of how or where she placed her feet. Not once did {Name} ever have to consider those she worked with, were a threat to her.

Out in the open, and using the night hours for cover, the individual was able to act on their planning. Two men were down, and now there was only seventeen more to go.

A sharp thud clipped the back of {Name}'s head, rousing her enough that a hand drifted behind to inspect what was thrown and now trapped between her neck and the collar of the coat she still wore. It was small, no bigger than the palm of the hand feeling it, and crumpled at the edges.

Bringing it over so that it could be identified {Name} crooked a brow at the weathered packet of cigarettes, a thumb flicking up the lid {Name} was pleased to find one remaining. Tucking it in the pocket for a later point {Name} attempted to resume the cat nap, the men around her busy preparing food, the others worked like a relay in and out of the bathroom.

One small blessing was that there was hot water, and the men could clean themselves up. The night before when they were all huddled around a small campfire, {Name} was forced to subtly ask Nile not to raise his arm again. Be it {Name} was not precisely smelling of flowers herself, being wedged between Nile and Mike at the time had been a miniature assault on her nose.

A squeeze at the shoulder made {Name} crack open one eye, face buried under a towel one hand rubbed roughly over his hair to dry it. Pulling the towel down so that it rested over the broad shoulders, Bertholdt smiled warmly at {Name}, his unbuttoned shirt baring the man's toned torso she swivelled the eye back up to meet with his doe-eyes _"Bathroom is free now."_

Stretching on the chair {Name} shuffled back until both legs were free of the seat, the small kitchen occupied with the freshly showered men now taking their servings of the meal Armin prepared.

Hovering in the doorway, {Name} watched them in quiet observation, a part of her baffled by how calm they were, given they'd lost two men to reach this point.

It served as a reminder that they were soldiers and {Name} merely a nurse, the lines that separated them, widening.

Drifting down the corridor, {Name} noted the decor of the house was still of a late 1800's design. The owner apparently having missed the reminder they'd stepped into a new century, the house held an old charm about it. The lights on the wall still powered by gas, there were very few items that required electricity.

Following the steam and condensation {Name} came to a stop at the door when Erwin rounded the corner. Head dipping to avoid eye contact {Name} made way into the bathroom, taking care on crossing the tiled floor to reach the clawed foot tub.

Shaking back the bath curtain, the metal links clattered across the pole that held it up, the noise obscuring the sound of the door closing, {Name} guessed Erwin decided to enter behind her.

Twisting the taps {Name} moved out of the way of water jetting from the large shower head, fingers wiggling under the water to check the temperature {Name} paused in undressing when Erwin cleared his throat.

Throwing a look over to where Erwin was leaning up against the door {Name} crooked a brow in a silent question. There was little {Name} wanted to say to Erwin, his presence was more of an annoyance than a pleasantry at the given moment in time.

 _"You're angry with me,"_ it didn't come as a question, as Erwin already knew the answer and was merely stating what should have been blatantly obvious to him _"It was necessary."_

Trying to give conviction for the decision to use {Name} as bait, which led to a man being killed without reason, was not necessary, and she quickly told Erwin as much.

Shrugging off the coat {Name} threw it without care across the room, boots following quickly after {Name}'s fingers pushed out the buttons on her shirt _"I never wanted a part of this,"_ fingers kneading into the hairline {Name}'s jaw jutted when her neck angled to look back at Erwin _"I don't even know why I'm here."_ Turning away when Erwin's gaze narrowed {Name} continued to undress.

Holding her tongue on all the angry, sniping words {Name} intended for Erwin, a calming breath was taken before she stepped into the bathtub. Hot, and stinging, the water stole her breath in surprise. Palms held out to cup some of it, she splashed it up against her face, welcoming the heat {Name} rolled her neck. Water stabbing at the aching muscles, it felt as though it was carrying away her stress and worries. Sucking them down into the drain, and taking them far away from {Name}, allowing time for a brief respite.

With half-lidded eyes {Name}'s skin bristled against the cold rush of air. Shower curtain opened {Name} pulled her head straight when Erwin came to stand at her back.

One hand pinching at a hip {Name} parted her thighs when Erwin's free hand glided down the dampened skin of her stomach, a breath hitching at the contact one arm reached up, the fingers closing around the back of his neck.

Neck craning to meet with Erwin's mouth {Name}'s hips rolled, back forming a gentle arch it pushed her shoulders firmly back against Erwin's chest.

 _"Let me remind you, why you're here."_ Lips parted the words glided across {Name}'s cheek when Erwin drew back, hands falling to both hips the thumbs applied pressure to her back.

Using a knee, Erwin separated {Name}'s legs with a gentle nudge.

With a hand thrown out to the wall in front for support, one held tightly to the hand Erwin kept at her hip, his other used to sweep away the hair that clung to {Name}'s shoulders, before Erwin's mouth closed around the sensitive skin of her neck.

With Erwin's weight on her back, {Name}'s legs trembled in a mixture of pleasure and strain l, the knees bowing when her fingers clawed down the tiled wall {Name} pushed back against him. Close to tearing at her hips {Name} felt Erwin tense, body arching away from her back his thrusts became more urgent and needed, likewise to {Name}'s want of them.

Panting Erwin's name {Name}'s head came up when his hand wrapped beneath her jaw, angling her towards him their mouths locked heatedly, breaking only when {Name} gave a final, and satisfied yelp.

In time Erwin's movements slowed, their bodies already tasting exhaustion, they used each other for support to stand upright. Easing back against the labouring rise of Erwin's chest {Name}'s fingers slid down the sinewy arm wrapped at her waist, searching for his hand _"Please,"_ struggling to form the words {Name} dipped her head to rest on Erwin's shoulder _"Don't use me like that again."_

Bringing a hand up to cup Erwin's jaw {Name} could feel the small spikes of hair that were starting to form, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead Erwin used what little energy he had left to pull {Name} tighter to him.

 _"I won't."_ Answering Erwin's head quietly dropped, a small kiss placed on a shoulder, the worn and tired skin of his fingers skirted over the scar that spread from hip to hip on {Name}, before pulling away altogether.

 _"You need to sleep,"_ whispering against her ear Erwin allowed their bodies to break apart, a hint to resume the original intention of the shower _"We have a long day ahead of us."_ Reminding {Name} that they were not here to stay another gentle peck was given to her shoulder blade.

Resentment curdling with the relief she'd felt at finding a safe haven {Name} nodded solemnly. As much as {Name} wished for it, she knew they couldn't stay, the small farm would no doubt come under fire from either side or like the cottage, be another victim of the bomber planes.

Plucking the small nub of soap from the corner of the bath {Name} ran it over both hands until it created a lather. Handing it back to Erwin, they washed together in silence, the excitement of their lusty exchange dying away, until not even an ebb of the pleasure he'd given her, remained.

 


	7. Chapter 7

It was cold, winter's first snow biting at {Name}'s extremities, the cottage shuddered in and out of focus.

_"Is this what you wanted?"_

The voice wrapped around, {Name}, caught in the breeze it picked playfully at her hair, whipping it across her face.

_"I don't know."_

Answering {Name} realised something heavy was laying on her thighs, the calfs tucked under, she continued to stare at the cottage. It rippled, like a waters disturbed surface, never entirely falling into place, she blinked laconically.

_"It's ok. I'm not angry with you."_

It was cold, burning at the skin it touched, the passage of the fingers tips purposefully slow. Bringing down both eyes {Name} met with the single mercurial eye, creased at the edges, the thin lips drew into a smile.

_"Levi."_

Closing both hands {Name} held tightly to Levi's face, body bowing their foreheads brushed lightly, the icy lumps of congealed blood and matted hair scratching at her skin, it was ignored.

 _"I love you, {Name}, I always will."_ Lips dusting over {Name}'s the fingers burning a path across her skin finally closed around her cheek _"But it's time to let me go."_

Squeezing shut {Name} attempted to trap the teardrops forming at the edges of her eyes, a shuddery inhale obscuring her words _"I don't want too."_ Bracing against the unearthly cold Levi's touch brought {Name} connected with Levi's mouth _"I still love you, Levi."_

A palpitation in her chest forced {Name} awake, fingers curled, they clenched at the bed sheets at the erratic beating in her chest. The muscle physically hurting, short and sharp breaths were sucked into her lungs, expanding them from their contracted state.

Hand drifting to the side {Name} woke fully on finding it empty, the sheets cooling in Erwin's absence {Name} rolled to her side. Arms hugging tightly, her face became buried in the small gap of the pillows, no other attempt made to hide the cries, she let them flow.

It was months since the last time Levi invaded her sleeping hours, their memories serving as a replacement for any dream or nightmare. It was almost like he'd been there and waiting, chasing away the fear that gripped her each night she'd climbed into bed alone.

Now, it seemed, Levi was trying to tell {Name} that everything was OK. That it was fine with Levi, that, {Name} found another to start rebuilding the damage his death created. Piece by piece being put back together, not like before, but something alike {Name}'s old self, with subtle changes.

Far bolder, and more assertive than she'd ever been, Erwin gave birth to a side of {Name}, that she never realised she possessed. Trusting more in gut instinct, and prepared to fight her corner when needed too.

Levi nurtured {Name}'s passion for helping and caring for others, letting her move freely and encouraging her to follow her dreams. Willingly following {Name} back to the city, and working odd jobs so that she could go through medical school.

On the other hand, Erwin ignited {Name}'s fiery and defiant half. Revealing to {Name}, that she was not weak-willed, that when put under pressure and out of her depth, she did not break easily.

Wiping away the evidence that {Name} spent a long few minutes crying, the covers were kicked back. The farmhouse was colder than before, the bare skin coated in goose pimples {Name} sought out her coat in the darkened room, the curtains drawn it blocked out the moonlight, leaving {Name} to stumble across the old creaking boards in search of the door.

Pulling the two halves of the coat tight, the empty hand traced the hallway wall, tripping over the top of the bannister {Name} carefully placed a foot on the top step.

No sound, other than a broken up snore, and the rustling of sheets could be heard.

Once more, just like at the cottage, the men bunked up three to four per room. The others who'd pulled the literal short straw making do with blankets and free space on the floor between the living room and dining room.

It was only Erwin and herself who managed the luxury of having only to share with each other.

Hitting the bottom step {Name}'s mouth twisted when it announced her presence with an aching groan, the old wood shouting its displeasure of her weight on it, she stepped off quickly.

Creeping down the hall, {Name} paused outside the living room, sight adjusted to the almost darkness that consumed the house her attention turned to the faint glimmer that jittered beneath a partially closed door.

It was dark except for a single flickering candle. Casting a semi-circle of light that barely chased back the shadows the hunched back of the man straightened rapidly when {Name} stepped into the room.

Fingers biting at the door frame {Name} watched the shirt ripple over the flexing muscles of the broad shoulders, chair groaning from the adjustment in Erwin's posture, {Name} slid into the room.

Approaching with some uncertainty, {Name} hovered behind Erwin when he carefully positioned an arm to cover what laid on the desk _"Shouldn't you be asleep?"_ Deep notes vibrating Erwin twisted in the seat, legs parting, one swung wide. Snagged by the waist {Name} found herself seated between Erwin's thighs, the wood beneath warm, his legs closed against her own to keep her in place.

Chin dropped to rest on a shoulder {Name}'s eyes glided over the papers scattered on the desk.

The lettering in German {Name} sat back in surprise, the arm at her waist keeping {Name} close to Erwin's chest _"What's wrong?"_ Feeling his gaze slant to take in her profile {Name}'s head moved back and forth slowly _"I can still read it."_

Using a single finger to trace the letters {Name}'s brow knitted, it was over two decades since she'd seen anything written in German, and even then, the text was simple and aimed for her age.

Adjusting their positioning Erwin's chin was removed from the shoulder, lips brought to peck lightly at the corner of {Name}'s mouth he picked one of the pieces of paper up, flipping it over to hide the contents.

 _"You still have a few more hours to rest,"_ low and bordering on a whisper Erwin turned their bodies, a subtle nudge making {Name} stand.

 _"We don't know if we will get an opportunity like this again. It's highly unlikely actually, so get as much sleep as you can."_ Trying to be rid of {Name}'s company Erwin turned back to the desk, fingers tapping on the concealed paper Erwin looked to be waiting for {Name} to leave.

Deflated by Erwin's dismissal {Name} looked off to the blacked out hallway _"I can't sleep."_ Announcing the matter quietly, {Name} pulled the coat tighter to her body, the fear of Levi visiting in a similar capacity to the dream that woke her, kept her from wanting to sleep.

The scrape of wood against wood brought {Name}'s head snapping back to centre, Erwin's hand ghosting up the split in the coat that kept her bare chest from view, {Name} made to step back.

Halted by the painful pinch at the nape of the neck {Name}'s eyes flickered to the hand Erwin held up between them, the tip of the index filling the gap of the rings still hanging from the chain _"You dreamt about him, is what you mean."_ Flat, and baring no inclination to what emotion Erwin was feeling, the words rolled out bluntly.

Switching between the rings, and Erwin's expressionless visage {Name} bit down on the tip of her tongue. There was no way Erwin could have known what the contents of her dream was, unless?

 _"You were talking in your sleep,"_ clarifying what {Name} suspected, Erwin dropped the rings as though they'd burnt his flesh, the rings falling heavily back against {Name}'s chest her eyes stung _"It made for uncomfortable listening."_ shadows cast one half of Erwin's face into darkness, but still his eyes remained bold, the colour intensified by the candlelight.

Clapping a hand to her mouth, {Name} broke the staring contest they were involved in.

Hooking the underside of {Name}'s hand Erwin prised it away from her mouth, a rough hold staggering them, {Name} emitted a small yip of surprise when her back hit the wall.

With both arms pinned up by the wrist, Erwin secured them above {Name}'s head, a chill creeping across the suddenly exposed skin, it was fought back with the heat of Erwin's body. Fingers dragging from {Name}'s clavicle, the muscles of her abdomen quivered when they skimmed her naval.

A second of hesitation Erwin lowered his face, their cheeks brushing a confused whimper parted {Name} when Erwin's hand ghosted between her thighs _"What will it take, for you to forget him,"_ in a combination of anger and sadness Erwin's voice lost its confident edge _"And only look at me."_

Removing the hand keeping {Name}'s arms pinned above her head Erwin gripped the underside of her thighs, bringing them to close around his waist, {Name} wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck, applying his weight to keep {Name} secured to the wall Erwin manoeuvred their bodies with little effort.

Curling a palm {Name} held on to the nape of Erwin's neck, the fingers fanning out to brush up the shorter hairs that covered the back of his head, the freed up hand stroked down his chest.

 _"You can't expect me to simply forget the man I was married to,"_ taking a steadying breath {Name} turned her gaze to meet with Erwin's _"I love you, Erwin,"_ Placing a gentle kiss to the underside of his jaw {Name} buried her head in his chest _"So please, be patient."_

Whispering the plea, {Name} heard and felt the heavy exhale Erwin made, the hands still at her thighs tightening in their grip, he stayed silent.

With time {Name} realised that Erwin, though gifted in his use of words, was not exactly forthcoming with them when it came to displaying emotions.

Erwin in truth was more confident and familiar with actions to express himself.

Taking the hand {Name} rested at his chest in his Erwin placed it flat on the wall behind, their fingers interlocked his body leaning, their mouths met.

It was not a tender exchange, Erwin was heated, {Name} could only describe it as frustration.

Aiding in Erwin's one-handed attempt to undo his trousers {Name} held his face between her hands when Erwin's hips rolled back, legs wrapped tight at his waist a momentary break allowed {Name} to attempt to take control of his angered assault on her mouth.

The seal {Name}'s lips formed broke in a gasping breath when Erwin thrust into her, using the opening Erwin bit far more gently than his temperament reflected on her bottom lip, the action concealing the moan that crept from the back of his throat.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Lines curved and winded across the page, lettering occasionally breaking up the paper indicating a village, town or city.

Drawn to a thick patch of colour {Name} eyed it with scrutiny, wandering to the areas surrounding it, a finger dropped on a clear spot on the map _"From a guess,"_ pausing to give the map another glance over {Name}'s lips pinched at the corners _"We're here."_ Tapping the area she'd singled out {Name} didn't bring her eyes up from the crumpled map.

Early evening setting in, the small kitchen was cast in an orange sheen from the setting sun. A clock chiming from the living room {Name} counted them. There were at least three or four hours until sundown, and until they'd be moving again.

Sitting back {Name} tilted her head to bring the man sitting beside her into clear view, fingers stroking the freshly cut beard that stretched his jaw Mike continued to observe the map, just like the others squashed into the small space _"We're a little off course,"_ Mike noted with a sigh _"We need to be heading this way."_ Dropping the hand from his chin, he tapped an area of the map, a spared glance telling {Name} it was a good few miles to the east of where they currently were.

Guessing the distance {Name} mentally calculated the time that would need to be allocated. At most, they'd need six hours. With night falling at around ten at night, and the sun returning between five and six in the morning, they would only have a one hour window to find somewhere to safely bunk down.

Stretching an arm out {Name} tapped another cluster of colour that indicated woodland, it was a few miles behind their intended destination, but if memory served {Name} well, there were old holiday cabins in the woods _"We could get there, but time won't be on our side."_ Throwing in her opinion {Name} kept from meeting anyone's gaze _"This used to be an old holiday resort, it closed down some time ago, "_ laying a hand on the map flat {Name} spread the fingers wide, the tips just out of reach of two villages, and a body of water.

 _"It is likely there will be soldiers posted in the area, but not as many as what will be in the city next to where you want to go."_ Pulling back the hand {Name} scoured her memory of what Levi, Jean and Olou had told her of their units positions.

The Maginot line was heavily guarded, but the Germans had slipped through the Ardennes. If memory served, small divisions and units were stationed in some of the bigger cities and towns close to the border, and a few miles back.

Going the way they wanted, would bring them closer to one of the cities {Name} suspected held more than a handful of the French army.

 _"You need to avoid civilian areas,"_ bringing back the hand {Name} played with her bottom lip _"Going through the farms and woodlands may take a little longer, but should be a clearer route."_ Voice losing its confidence {Name} half expected them to laugh, or at least tell her that she did not know what she was talking about.

All that came was a stunned silence that sent an embarrassed flush across her cheeks.

 _"We'll adjust our route then."_ A faint amusement touched Erwin's voice, the edges of the map rolled up it was tossed across the table to Eren _"We'll be leaving at sundown, so make the most of the time you have."_

Dismissing the men, they murmured quietly, a louder than expected grumble coming from Reiner about having nothing better to do than visit Palmer and her five daughters.

Deciding it was something that {Name} probably did not want to know, a hand slid into the pocket of the coat, the crumpled pack of cigarettes that was thrown at her head the night before still inside, she used the heel of her boot to push the chair back.

Advised to keep from venturing outside {Name} found the house to be cramped. There were many rooms, but none of a comfortable size. More than five of them in one place, and it started to feel claustrophobic. The kitchen being used as some form of communal area, the living room was taken up with the men being cramped on the chairs and playing cards to pass the time.

The upstairs taken by those who wanted a few more hours sleep, it only left the bathroom free. Shaking the box of matches on the kitchen side {Name} pocketed them, wanting to be alone and enjoy what would likely be the only cigarette she'd have for a long time.

Turning into the bathroom {Name} stopped the door from closing, a hand resting on the handle she pushed her rear against it, letting it slam back and announce her presence.

The pair of legs poking out from the shower curtain coiling back inside the bathtub, a moment of squeaking and rustling came before a head poked out the curtain.

 _"Any reason you're sitting fully clothed in a bath?"_ Questioning the oddity {Name} hopped up to seat herself on the space beside the sink, a brow crooked at the man who looked to be contemplating an answer, the cigarette clamped between his lips moved side to side as he pinched in one corner of his mouth, before doing the same with the other.

 _"It's pretty comfortable actually."_ Mike finally answered, the cigarette removed as he hung his arms over the bath's edge _"And its quiet."_ Replacing the cigarette, Mike eyed {Name} for a moment before exhaling the smoke.

It didn't entirely answer the question, but {Name} wasn't going to push it further. Taking out the cigarette of her own it was lit quickly, the match dropped down the drain of the sink before slumping back against the wall, legs swaying back and forth, she stared up at the ceiling.

 _"Why are you in here then?"_ Another set of squeaks and a thud, Mike was soon out of the bath, head tilting to look at {Name} before taking a seat on the toilet opposite her.

Bringing down her gaze, it was odd to find herself having to look down at the tall man _"It's quiet."_ Responding after some thought, {Name} curled her fingers to hold the lip of the surface that housed the sink _"I was also hoping to be left alone for five minutes,"_ scowling slightly at the disruption of her plan {Name} shrugged _"But it looks like that is going to be impossible."_

A breathy laugh came from Mike, a leg crossing a hand held his ankle _"I think it will be a long while until you have alone time,"_ commenting on the obvious Mike cocked his head _"Especially since your proving more help than just a medic."_ Speaking on the matter that {Name} essentially saved them from walking directly into their enemy, a smile pulled up one side of Mike's mouth.   
  
Using a thumb to scratch the side of her head {Name} mumbled around the butt of the cigarette practically glued to her mouth. Even though {Name} was moving willingly with them, at times the internal conflict would rise up when it came to helping them elude capture. If {Name} wanted too, it would be no issue to lead them in the direction of the French army, giving she knew most were still trying to hold the Maginot line, or falling back from it.

Halting the sway of both legs {Name} bit the cigarette tip, eyes falling to take in the muddied trousers that covered her legs, the boots scuffed and coated in dry muddy dust.

How long had it been since they'd left the cottage? Days, possibly weeks.

{Name} missed the haven the cottage once was. It was busy, noisy and a chore to keep clean. Though all of its flaws could be overlooked, knowing that it was safe and warm, and homely. Wandering through fields, skirting around towns and villages, always wondering if they'd be stumbled upon, or if another would find a knife in their back was no way to live.

{Name} was exhausted, spirit dampened, and continuously embroiled in an internal war within herself.

 _"I'm sure it won't be long."_ Mike's words broke {Name} out of the silent conversation she was having in her head. With a frown, {Name} blew out a thin stream of smoke _"What won't be long?"_ Nearing the end of the cigarette {Name} took down one more lungful, discarding it in the sink she twisted a tap to put it out.

Standing from the toilet seat Mike joined {Name} at the sink, his own cigarette dropping into the water that span in the white ceramic bowl his large hands were placed either side of the sink, one hand skimming the front of a thigh _"Its probably not what you want to hear, but France will crumble."_ Closing a hand over the one that {Name} left on the tap {Name} found it to be a fraction larger than Erwin's.

Mike's comment about France's inevitable fall should have boiled her blood, made her angry, and spitting defensively. Except, it didn't. Something within Mike's words rung with a cold, harsh truth, that no manner of denying could assist or argue against.

Slipped the hand out from under Mike's a jolt of surprise came when he grabbed it back, wrist trapped in the long fingers Mike possessed their sights locked onto each other.

Cautiously, and with reservation Mike slid across the sink's edge, body bowing to bring his face closer to {Name}'s the tepid warmth of his breath spread across her mouth, Mike's lips bare millimetres from touching on {Name}'s quivering ones.

Sensing Mike's intention {Name} threw her head forward, their foreheads connecting sharply it halted Mike's advance.

Backing up Mike cupped a hand to the area {Name} struck, face scrunched up, much like {Name}'s, a few choicely picked words grumbled the deep notes in Mike's throat. Angling the hand away Mike peered at {Name} who was also nursing her forehead _"You really are stuck on Erwin,"_ rubbing the tips of his fingers over the reddening patch just above his nose Mike sighed _"Even after everything he's put you through, you're still willing to stick by him."_ Disappointment, tinged with confusion wrapped around Mike's words, striking cold at {Name}'s chest.

The way in which Mike presented the relationship, their shaky and cruel foundations, it was irrefutable to say that it was strange, more so bordering on bizarre.

Though it still did not change the way {Name} felt for Erwin. Trying to deny it, would be a fruitless venture.

 _"It's none of your concern,"_ without a glance in Mike's direction {Name} slipped off the edge of the sink unit " _So you can keep your opinions to yourself."_ Tersely {Name} let the words slip, fingers flexing before curling into fists, the nails dug into the soft and sweating palms of {Name} hands.

With an incredulous expression painted over Mike's visage, he looked away quickly, a hand covering the lower half of his face the fingers pinched at his jaw _"{Name}, Erwin didn't just give the order for your husband to be killed..."_ Mike sprung out an arm, catching {Name} at the elbow before she managed to reach the bathroom door _"Erwin took the shot."_

 


	9. Chapter 9

An eerie quiet accompanied the night. There were no crickets, no birds fluttering tree to tree, or any manner of nature's nightlife to be heard or seen.

A blessing and a curse all in one, allowing them all to be more attuned to the sounds they made, there was no risk of mistaking a fox or badger for a foot soldier.

Backpacks a little heavier from the small amount of food, and a jackpot find on cigarettes the men spent some time adjusting them on their shoulders.

Bobbing on their feet until the extra weight sat comfortable, and there was little chance of anything sliding around to make an abnormal noise.

Though in truth {Name} felt deaf to it all. A static buzzing vibrating the eardrums since early that evening, she passed their final resting hours in a daze.

Consumed by the four little words Mike uttered in the bathroom, they were delivered agonisingly. Like before, their words were aimed like weapons at her chest, driving deeper into the cavity to slice at her already tattered heart.

Wanting nothing more than to forget their conversation, it was impossible to do when it latched like a monkey to {Name}'s back, whispering, taunting and riling her scattered emotions.

When they'd left the bathroom, {Name} wanted to scream and shout all of the accusations at Erwin, to hope that even if only a scratch, she could damage the heavy defences Erwin carried with him.

Nothing ever seemed to phase Erwin, the closest {Name} managed to rile the man, was in the early hours that morning when he'd taken a distaste to the subject matter of her dream.

A single hand clipped up the back of {Name}'s head, rousing her from the train of thought and sending it crashing into a nonexistent wall. The line of thinking cut dead entirely when {Name} adjusted her neck to look up at the man who'd hit her.

 _"We're moving now,"_ Nile grumbled, a shoulder thrown up his body made an almost jump to adjust the backpack _"You're supposed to be upfront."_ Using the same hand Nile pushed {Name} forward, her feet receiving the message to move a second later, she tripped over them.

Being upfront meant being with Erwin. A prospect {Name} wanted to avoid considering they were in no place to discuss what Mike divulged.

Accepting that the time to sulk and be distant with Erwin was a long way off, {Name} bit at the tip of her tongue, the words seething at its very edge swallowed down when {Name} joined Erwin at the head of the huddle of bodies.

Sights cast down across the sloping hills {Name} followed the land to where half dipped away to a stretch of water, and the other became hidden in trees. It was ideal to keep to the woodlands, besides the fact they covered vast stretches of the land, they also provided shelter.

 _"Which way?"_ Erwin questioned {Name} bluntly, no emotion portrayed in either voice or face, never a small tell for what he was thinking or even feeling. Erwin did not look to be a man who would let his emotions lead his decisions, though {Name} now started to question that assumption.

Why else would Erwin purposely gun Levi down, other than to remove the one person that stood between Erwin and herself?

It made no sense, there was no plausible reason other than the one {Name} had come to, for Erwin to be the one actioning his own order. Erwin straight up lied to {Name}, telling her that he'd only given the order to remove any possible threat.

{Name} surmised, that Levi was a threat to Erwin in some respect. In truth, Levi still was. The more {Name} got to see the other side of Erwin, the less inclined she was towards him. Being in love with him was now starting to feel like it was not enough, to keep her moving at his side.

On the flip side, there was always the chance that Mike was lying. At times {Name} forgot who the men were, that none of them owed {Name} anything, and none would be blamed for keeping the truth on some issues from her.

Even so, it still kept the question lingering on her tongue.

Was Erwin the one who killed Levi?

Indirectly, from what Erwin told {Name}, he was to blame. Knowing though whether Erwin was the one who pulled the trigger, was a complete game changer.

 _"Fraulein?"_ Prompting {Name} gently Erwin peered down, a slight furrow in his brow when she stared blankly in return. Turning back to inspecting the land {Name} flicked a finger to indicate the left _"That way."_ Curling the hand back {Name} went to set it in the pocket of the coat, but instead found it clasped tightly in Erwin's.

Instinct making {Name} flinch from the contact, their bodies angled apart roughly. Erwin in surprise and {Name} in an alarm of his intentions.

Turning away {Name} ran the fingers together, Erwin's touch leaving a cold in its wake, she felt the need to remove it _"To the left."_ Repeating the earlier direction {Name} shuffled both feet, itching to move and avoid any potential questioning from the man still staring at her side.

One arm stretched up Erwin signalled the men to begin moving, scattered and giving each other a wide berth so as not to be at risk of being taken down in a collective heap, they disappeared in time down one of the hills.

Bertholdt bringing up the rear {Name} drifted to his side, not wishing to hang back and talk with Erwin, she was thankful to find the dopey giant _"How is your arm?"_ Using a finger to circle the area on Bertholdt's arm that was skimmed by a bullet her head tilted to the side when he mumbled _"Stings still, but it's ok."_

Plodding along at an even pace they took care when the land sloped down, arms out for balance a flash of blonde hair bobbed in and out of view from up ahead.

Reiner's helmet dropped to hang from the back of his neck Bertholdt sighed quietly beside {Name} _"Reiner's hair sticks out like a beacon."_ Close to sounding like a mother subtly reprimanding their child, it made {Name} titter lowly, a hand up to cover the noise when Bertholdt flushed _"It's true though."_ he muttered defensively with a firm nod.

Patting Bertholdt's arm soothingly {Name} mustered a smile. Out of all the men, Bertholdt was the most out of place. Kind and gentle, {Name} doubted Bertholdt could be capable of gunning men down.

Bertholdt's nervous habits, and profuse sweating adding charm to his soft nature, he stuck out like a sore thumb among the others.

{Name} enjoyed Bertholdt's company, he was the calm before the storm. Always present and waiting in the moments leading up to any of the chaos that pursued the group, concerned more about those around him, than himself.

 _"Fraulein?"_ Whispering as they entered the tree line Bertholdt's face was swallowed up by the darkness, a hum replied {Name} listened to the gentle gulping breaths Bertholdt took, he was nervous about asking {Name} whatever question lingered on the tip of his tongue.

Progressing through the woodland {Name} waited with the learnt patience she'd grown into when it came to conversing with Bertholdt, always taking a little longer than most to formulate the words it was infuriating, to begin with.

A wet cough broke up the gulps for air, Bertholdt was ready to speak, and so {Name} tuned her ears to listen _"What is your real name?"_

The question effortless and straightforward it caused {Name} to stumble over a fallen branch, both eyes flying to find Bertholdt's, the faint glimmer of a blush touching his cheeks.

After spending the best part of a year in each other's company, they still were unaware of {Name}'s actual name, merely referring to her as 'Fraulein'.

Becoming almost accustomed to the way they addressed {Name}, it never came to mind to tell them her actual name, the only two who appeared to be in the know was the man burning holes in {Name}'s back, and Mike.

Pondering on the answer, {Name} sucked on her bottom lip _"I get the feeling there is more to this."_ Keeping a focus on the path ahead, {Name} caught Bertholdt's sheepish smile in her peripheral.

 _"There is a bet among the guys, we've been trying to guess your name for months,"_ meekly answering, a jittery laugh accompanied Bertholdt's answer.

 _"What's the prize?"_ Playing along {Name} winded cautiously around a tree, the distance between the three of them was growing from those up front.

A weak cough cleared Bertholdt's nervous stutter _"Well,"_ trapping the words behind gritted teeth Bertholdt glanced back to where Erwin was meant to be _"We were going to talk to you about that if we got it right."_ Whispering Bertholdt scanned the vicinity, turning in a slow circle _"Sir?"_ Calling softly into the trees he paused, {Name} coming to a halt also.

Nothing came in response. Not a single rustle of the leaves or a footstep could be heard.

 _"Lower your weapon!"_ Order hissing through the darkness it sent icy fingers clawing down her spine.

The voice was French.

 _"Berthl,"_ swallowing {Name}'s hand closed with Bertholdt's _"Run."_

Fingers intertwined they clung tightly to each other, an uncertain glance spared for {Name}, Bertholdt understood what words could not convey.

The snapping of a branch acting as a cue Bertholdt broke away from {Name} in a sprint, prompting the French soldier to take a step forward for a better aim, his action faltering when {Name} called out to him.

_"Olou."_

Soft and pleading {Name} held a hand out when Olou turned the gun to her, a cautious step bringing her closer to Olou hoping that he would recognise who {Name} was before he took a shot.

 _"{Name}?"_ Giving a surprised shout Olou clapped a hand over his mouth, the muzzle pointed away when {Name} rushed forward, arms wide they were thrown around his shoulders _"What are you doing here?"_ Remembering to keep to a whisper Olou wrapped a single arm around {Name}.

Fingers bunching in the back of Olou's jacket {Name} considered how best to answer, this was the chance she'd waited for, eight long months ago.

A chance to get away, with little risk.

It was something {Name} silently prayed and wished for from the moment they arrived at her door. Now the opportunity was presented to {Name}, it was met with opposition.

{Name} knew that going with Olou meant severing the ties with Erwin and the others, but siding with them over Olou, run the risk of losing him.

 _"I'm not exactly sure why I'm here,"_ taking a step back {Name}'s hands shifted to grip Olou's forearms _"But I'm so happy to see you."_ Smiling even though {Name} was certain Olou would be unable to see it {Name} released him when Olou muttered for her to follow him.

Keeping close to Olou's shadow {Name} listened patiently to his ramblings.

A silent thank you dangling at the tip of her tongue for letting Bertholdt getaway, it was swept up in a strangled cry when Olou mentioned they'd caught another, a potentially more valuable enemy.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Lit up by a small fire that cast shadows to dance among the trees, two men gathered. One aged and balding hummed a peppy tune while calmly stoking the fire, a tree stump used to seat himself, the other occupant chose to stand.

Keeping guard at the only opening two more men stood, looking on at the small and almost cosy scene with some bafflement, whispers sniped between them.

 _"Has he been drinking again?"_ One asked the other, peering at the bald man playing the part of a happy camper.

 _"We should have gutted the bastard when we found him. The old man is losing it!"_ Harsh and growling, the other man responded none too kindly about his superior.

In time the bald man lowered the stick, a hand stroking the salt and pepper moustache that lay between his nose and mouth. The whispers of the subordinates keeping watch over the little meeting reaching the aged man's ears, a pleasant chuckle parted his mouth when a hand tapped his breast, a metallic dink sounding.

 _"My my, full of such conjectures, aren't they."_ Beady eyes found Dot's companion when both his hands fell to rest in his lap _"You needn't stand my boy,"_ maintaining the jovial spirit Dot nodded to the other tree stump _"Take a seat, we have much to discuss."_

Dot Pixis watched the man remain in the stiff posture, eyes focused somewhere above Dot's head, it would have taken the older man off guard when the blonde male smiled warmly and took the make shift seat, but Pixis was a wizened fool.

Not quite eye to eye the two men watched each other, one with amusement, the other blank of any emotion.

Sighing Dot reached into the breast pocket to retrieve the hip flask, the cap unscrewed with a finger and thumb the other hand searched in the opposite breast pocket.

 _"This,"_ pausing to take a swig of the bitter liquid hidden in the metal flask, Pixis held up the dented and scratched cross he'd retrieved from the other pocket _"Is yours I believe."_ Waving the iron cross back and forward a smile broke the thin lips when a flicker of a reaction crossed over his companion's face.

It was brief, the man well versed in denying anyone insight into his thoughts via facial expression.

Pixis could hear the man's thoughts loud and clear.

How did Dot come into possession of the iron cross?

They'd disarmed the German, but that was all. Everything hidden away within the grey uniform was still where it should have been.

So, how did Pixis stumble across the iron cross?

 _"Don't tire your brain my boy,"_ offering out the flask Dot was not surprised when it was refused, a shrug gave he took another swig _"You must have dropped it when you and your fellows were playing hide and seek with us."_ A smile traversed Pixis's mouth when the man's thick brows drew up slightly.

Smacking lips together the cap was returned to the flask before Dot set it down beside the tree stump he was occupying. Finger and thumb once more brushing the collection of hair above his lip _"It may have served me well to act that night,"_ pondering the idea Pixis slapped a hand to this thigh _"But it would not have been fair to the little lady, to tarnish her reputation in front of her brother."_ Gripping his chin Pixis nodded slowly, a solemn expression falsely painted on his features.

 _"Well, that is what I would like to say the reason I didn't do anything was,"_ Smiling again, it didn't quite reach Dot's eyes, the crow's feet that crinkled the skin around them acting as replacement for the scrunched up skin that should have come with a proper, heartfelt smile _"It would be a lie though. In truth, one of your men is very loose-tongued."_ As if to put emphasis on the matter, his own tongue poked out before being drawn back to click against the roof of his mouth.

 _"You're probably wondering why I'm speaking so openly, of what could be my trump card?"_ Head bobbing Pixis watched the male for a few seconds, his gaze was sharper, but there was no other tell of how the man was taking what Pixis was telling him.

 _"Erwin."_ announcing the man's name, it finally brought a more active reaction from the man, much to Dot's delight _"Ah, so you are capable of emoting."_ Chortling Pixis covered the noise with his hand.

 _"You're pulling such a fine face right now, I almost lost my train of thought."_ Controlling the urge to laugh even more Pixis swayed on the stump.

 _"The letter from your father gave a name I do believe,"_ a coy grin surfaced when Erwin's thick brows dropped, his gaze narrowed further, the intense blue of his eyes magnified by the fire's glow.

 _"It would have served you well to actually trusted in what she told you,"_ rising from the tree stump Pixis crossed both arms at his back _"Would have saved the men faithful to you, and Germany's cause if you'd have just placed a little more faith in her."_

Standing beside Erwin, Dot patted one of his broad shoulders gently _"No matter. You will soon know the error in your judgment."_

Parting ways with Erwin a merry tune whistled through Pixis's lips, eyes narrowing when he met with the two men keeping watch on their prisoner.

 _"Remember, they will come for him,"_ voice low and rumbling Dot smiled when the two men nodded _"Do not be fodder for them."_ Giving the order Pixis walked on, two fingers tapping at his lower back Pixis knew he would not have to wait long for Erwin's rescue party, and so his time for the next half of the plan was short.

 


	11. Chapter 11

_"Think of it this way,"_ Pixis cooed, a finger and thumb running together, the other hand was curled at his back _"He will never have to know if we lose."_

Biting on the insides of her cheeks {Name} stared at the man, a bubble of nerves creeping up her throat, {Name} struggled to swallow them down.

They knew.

Glancing toward Olou a nasty twist in his mouth delivered an invisible wound to her aching chest. Olou knew what {Name} was doing, had done.

The knowledge of it made {Name} physically sick, mouth drying out she could not formulate a single word.

 _"Here is your chance to redeem yourself {Name},"_ soft and coercive Pixis finally glanced up from the invisible fluff he'd been playing with _"Either way this war goes, you can not lose."_ Adding in a little more to attempt to sweeten the deal a smile curved his thin lips.

{Name}'s head moved, silent understanding of the offer made, a peculiar feeling spread from her chest to her stomach.

Guilt? Remorse? None of them fit the sensation {Name} was experiencing. It spread all over {Name}'s skin, sinking deep into her centre, wrapping around every fibre of her body.

{Name} had only ever felt it once before. The night of the second failed attempt to escape.

Defeat. {Name} felt defeated, again.

No matter which way {Name} looked at the situation, there was only one of the two outcomes that would let her stay breathing.

Play the part, or let them take the shot.

 _"I'll do it."_ Hoarse and with strain {Name} gave the verbal response they'd been waiting on, the eyes of the men surrounding {Name} all reflecting the same thing.

They wanted to put an end to her there, and then, she'd betrayed them all already.

 _"Good choice."_ Pixis spoke smugly, fingers clicking the man beside him raised the gun in his hands _"It won't kill you."_

Gifted no time to react shock took control of {Name}.

 _"It will give weight to your story,"_ speaking between the second shot Pixis grimaced _"Make it believable."_

Staggered by the second bullet entering her body {Name} blinked through the tears pooling in her eyes, unable to support her weight {Name} crumbled, mouth open, it finally gave the expected response.

Limp on opposing sides {Name}'s body burned, the pain splintering up through both sides it threw her mind into confusion.

_"They're here sir!"_

A shout broke up the static that filled {Name}'s mind and ears, only vaguely aware of the rapid exchanging gunfire another pain filled scream parted {Name} when a body latched too tightly to her.

 _"You'll be ok!"_ Olou was rushing to speak, fingers biting too tightly at {Name}'s wounded body he pulled away, a quick kiss placed to her forehead _"No matter what, you will always be my sister."_ Closing both hands at {Name}'s face Olou gave it a firm squeeze _"I forgive you."_ With the parting words, Olou broke away, following after the others in a false retreat.

Sparing {Name} a glance, Pixis smiled effortlessly before barking orders, playing his part in the farce.

Succumbing to the pain spreading on both sides {Name} let her body flop to the ground, one hand searching for the entry point on the left forearm, she ground her teeth before poking a finger into the bullet sized hole.

Nail scraping through muscle and fat {Name} withdrew the finger, the muscles of the arm spasming around the index it made her stomach roll violently.

The bullet exited out the back, though small segments remained in the wound. They would need to come out. Uncoordinated the trembling hand sought out the second, more severe injury at her hip.

Finding the hot liquid spilling down the right thigh {Name} gulped for air. Though minor injuries, the agony was something {Name} could not describe. All in one {Name}'s body felt hot, but the blood rushing in her veins cold and burning. Chest under strain in the combination of panic and adrenaline {Name} struggled to organise the thoughts bombarding her panic-stricken mind.

Fingers creeping over the damp thigh {Name}'s heart flipped in momentary relief. The second shot had torn through, there was no doubt in that, but it's entry, and exit avoided a vital artery.

{Name} already knew it, but feeling it with her own hand only assured her further, allowing some calm to settle within {Name}'s mind.

Laying still {Name} listened, the pained and hissing breaths subdued by the firm clenching of her jaw, she waited for a break in the chaos. {Name} was in the firing line from both sides, trying to move would only result in a more severe injury than the two she'd already sustained.

Above, behind and in front, the bark of guns echoed, wood splintering and shouts of fading French, and rapidly approaching German combined into a hellish cacophony.

Closing both eyes {Name} wished that the annoying buzzing that filled her ears when she was shot the first time, would return. Lying among the dirt, covered in her own blood only served to drag {Name}'s mind back to the days she'd spent in the trench. A small part of {Name} wishing that she'd open her eyes, and find herself back there.

By comparison, the trench was heaven to what {Name} was now embroiled in.

Falling into a calmer rhythm {Name} cracked open one eye, the rustling of feet and quiet whispers, replacing gunfire and shouting, it drew {Name} back to the present. Blurs travelled between the trees in front of {Name}, their forms taking on a more substantial appearance the closer they crept {Name} dropped her head back down when the strain on her neck proved too much.

Eyes scrunched shut {Name}'s right shoulder took the weight to allow the left to rise from the Forrest floor, while her left hip was pushed down to relieve the right hip.

Body twisted into an odd angle {Name} drew in a ragged breath, mentally preparing to move, her tongue clicked quietly off the roof of her mouth.

_"Is she breathing?"_

Someone paused beside {Name}, their voice too low to discern, she remained still. There was no guarantee it was one of the group that {Name} was now wholly, but treacherously, a part of.

An unpleasant scent burned {Name}'s nose hairs, breath hot it spilt across her cheek at the same time she exhaled against the person's face.

 _"Still breathing."_ Reiner confirmed, _"They actually shot her."_ Taking note of the two wounds Reiner's voice vibrated with bitter notes that sent a confused flutter through {Name}'s stomach.

Reiner wouldn't be so angry if he knew the truth.

Identified, {Name} no longer needed to feign that she was passed out _"Your breath is horrendous,"_ croaking {Name} managed a weak smile when Reiner scarpered back from her body _"You need a mint."_ Attempting to be humorous {Name}'s eyes opened a fraction, the non-existent light in the woodland making it seem as though she'd not opened her eyes at all, it took a few seconds for them to bring the few surrounding her into focus.

Resting on one knee, Reiner propped an elbow on the thigh of his raised leg, a hand cupping over his mouth as he tried to get a whiff of his own breath _"The need for a mint, is duly noted."_ With a grimace one of Reiner's eyes opened a little wider than the other.

 _"We should regroup."_ A quiet voice piped up from the back, Armin's concern over being separated felt by all as the men bristled, standing in a circle they kept their backs to each other "Reiner can you carry Fraulein?"

Shuffling forward Reiner's gaze flitted up and down {Name}, assessing how best to lift her, a frown creased his forehead _"I'm gonna try and be gentle,"_ sliding one arm under her back, the other slipped beneath {Name}'s knees _"But this is probably going to hurt."_ Meeting {Name}'s gaze a small nod was given, she knew any form of movement was going to be painful for a day or two.

Squirming when the floor fell away {Name} bit fiercely on the inside of her mouth, strained and screaming notes captured by the tightly sealed lips {Name} pulled her left arm across her body to keep it bashing against Reiner's chest. Both legs squeezed together, it sent a new pain pulsing up her right leg, her body curling forward in Reiner's hold {Name} shook off his concern _"I'm ok."_ Bleating, the lips barely parted to let the two small words out.

Once secured in Reiner's hold, they started moving, Armin leading them through the trees to where he suspected the others were _"They're up ahead."_ Calling back so that everyone heard {Name} noticed they picked up the pace a little.

Truthfully, {Name} wished they'd not stumbled across her, not now that {Name} was involved in a game of Chinese whispers against her will. If not for the fact of being a coward, {Name} could have ended it with a simple refusal.

**\--------**

Blood loss of a large volume was almost always accompanied by lightheadedness. It left {Name} under the impression that her mind was swimming, even when she was most certainly not. Feeling light and giddy, but sick all in one, {Name} blinked repetitively when a filmy layer coated both eyes.

A finger tapping the centre of {Name}'s forehead brought her head out from the curve of Reiner's arm, eyes wide in an attempt to focus {Name} felt her body lowering, she was being put down.

 _"Nile will patch you up,"_ Reiner assured {Name}, the foot of the uninjured leg placed down Nile moved to act as a replacement for the right leg, arm tight at her side he eased the left arm over his shoulder.

Careful limping steps carried them to a small fire, the area curtained off by a thick collection of trees two tree stumps sat either side of the slowly dying fire. It looked like a small, makeshift meeting room.

 _"Here, sit down."_ Shifting to hold {Name} under the arms Nile eased her onto one of the stumps, a slight adjustment allowing {Name} to rest heavier on her left side {Name} refrained a whimper.

Resting on haunches Nile stared at {Name} for a little longer than necessary, eyes drawn into scrutinising his mouth puckered in the centre _"What the hell did you say?"_

 


	12. Chapter 12

Eyelids fluttering, they peeled open.

A warm glow chased back the darkness, the chair beneath creaking with {Name}'s sudden sway; she'd fallen asleep, somehow.

Fingers rubbing at the corners where remnants of the patchy sleep collected, {Name} blinked away the sleepy film that coated each eye.

Beside {Name} a person stirred, their rattling breaths broken up by a single word.

The person was calling for {Name}.

Standing {Name} stretched out the aches in her body, dozing in a chair was not a comfortable experience.

Leaning over the young man lying on the kitchen table {Name} sought out the man's eyes, they were wide. Etched with fear, a hand closed around {Name}'s as a question was carried on the man's dying breath, her lips parted, assuring the man that it didn't hurt.

Death was just an eternal sleep, a place to escape the pain and to be free of the horrors of the living world.

Freedom, that {Name} was denied.

The muscle in {Name}'s chest jolted painfully. Breaking out of its lethargic beating, it pounded with some message of urgency.

Awoken by the change of rhythm in her heart {Name} laid still, eyes still closed she waited for her mind to catch up with her awakened state. The last remnants of the dream slipping away when {Name} became aware of the burning heat that engulfed one side of the body, the other warm with what felt a more natural heat.

An orange glow invaded the protective layer of the eyelids, the soft lighting flickering and swaying under the breeze that tickled up {Name}'s body. Bringing a welcome cool {Name}'s jaw wiggled, relaxing it from its clenched state, and relieving the aching teeth of the pressure.

Peeling back both eyelids {Name} laid still, breath catching in her throat at the scenery painted miles above.

Reaching across the night sky, but not quite touching the tree branches swayed in the night air, their leaves rustling in anticipation of finally joining with the leaves on the other side. So close, but still out of reach.

Dark blue, the night sky that broke through the gap in the trees was splattered with small glittering gems, the stars twinkling, warm and safe from the turmoil and pain the earth was once more thrown into.

Sliding away from the peaceful scenery {Name} searched for the source of the orange glow, an answer quickly was given when she found the angry orange flicker of a campfire. Flames twisting and curling around the logs and branches used to ignite it; the fire kept them trapped, licking over their crumbling and ashen skin, tormenting them.

It explained why one side of {Name}'s body felt as though it was seconds from blistering. It was at an arm's reach from her body. Neck angling and stiff {Name} found the reason behind the other side being warmer than natural.

Under the firelight, the grey appeared a few shades darker. Touching closer to black, it looked far more ominous.

Travelling up the long torso, {Name} found the pale skin of the uniforms wearer. The collar tight at the man's throat the well-defined jaw appeared more pronounced in the lighting, curving sharply to the firm chin. One arm curled to act as a pillow, the other was draped over {Name}'s waist, the fingers loosely curled to notify the man if she tried to roll away.

{Name}'s head was tucked under the man's chin, the positioning halting her from looking past it to view the man's face. It didn't hinder {Name} in identifying the man sleeping beside her.

Trying to keep from waking the man {Name} investigated her body on sense alone. The sharp pinching of the skin on her arm and thigh let {Name} know the bullet wounds had been stitched. The area immediately around it pulsing and throbbing, {Name} surmised that she'd passed out from the pain at some stage.

Being awake allowed {Name}'s body to whine and cry like a child, it wanted her attention, it was howling for it.

Wounds still fresh and burning, it would be days before {Name} would wake to a slight discomfort and occasional crippling twinge. For now {Name} would have to accept that her body was angry and in agony.

Consumed in self-pitying thoughts {Name} failed to notice the arm at her waist shift until the large and rough skin of a hand enveloped the fireside cheek, the large thumb gliding back and forth over the unnaturally heated skin.

Beside {Name} the body shifted quietly and carefully, the arm once acting as a pillow, now supporting the man's muscular build, their eyes met.

Consumed in a mixture of want and repulsion {Name} felt the salty liquid spring up in the corners of her eyes, bottom lip snared painfully in her teeth to subdue the cry building in her swelling chest.

Erwin's expression had never been so open.

No protective mask in place, it plainly held and displayed what the man struggled to convey in words.

It made {Name} ill. {Name} wasn't deserving of Erwin's lowered defences, his subtle weaknesses.

Mouths skimming together {Name} was slow to respond, relaxing only when Erwin's need for the contact presented itself in the kisses forcefulness.

The contact pushed the skin painfully back against her teeth, it made {Name}'s head shrink back in an attempt to alleviate the pressure Erwin was placing upon her.

A cold rush of air touched {Name}'s torso when the rough and scratchy blanket was lifted away, Erwin's body replacing the warmth it provided {Name} raised her right arm. Fingers closing at the nape of Erwin's neck, she pushed away the stiff collar of his uniform to touch the skin beneath.

Mouths parting; briefly, a breath was sucked in, expanding {Name}'s chest it brushed lightly against Erwin's.

Moving with a gentleness that did not befit Erwin the arms previously used to support his weight, and kept him laying flat on {Name} shifted. Back arched to keep from falling on {Name}, the fingers left a hot trail in their travels down her worn and tired body.

Resting at {Name}'s hips Erwin paused, the hand previously wound at Erwin's neck removed when he fell out of {Name}'s reach it closed tightly on the sleeve of his arm when Erwin carefully raised {Name}'s hips.

Tugging on the fabric covering Erwin's arms the agonised screech was caught by his mouth, her body twisting in a confusing array of pain and pleasure when Erwin entered her.

One hand curled under the right thigh to keep it elevated Erwin appeared to be testing the positioning for {Name}'s comfort, judging the lessening sound of pain in her whimpering to proceed.

One arm wrapped at the side of {Name}'s head, Erwin managed to keep much of his weight off of {Name}'s body. Each rolling movement of his hips tender and gentle, Erwin was able to replace the discomfort in {Name}'s body with warm and distracting pleasure.

Panting breaths exchanged mouth to mouth, they eventually broke apart when Erwin's head buried in her shoulder, allowing {Name} to sweep a glance around the area they were in.

They were not alone.

Though they appeared to be the only two awake in the temporary camp, the other bodies quiet beside the deep inhales of sleep. {Name} was thankful to find most, if not all of them were on their sides, their backs to Erwin and herself.

Somewhere someone would be awake, keeping watch on the area, their attention focused elsewhere other than the two boldly engaging in an amorous act.

Though weak and objecting to the movement {Name} managed to raise the left arm at the elbow, the trembling fingers closing tightly at Erwin's side.

Intermingling with the low moaning breaths {Name} caught Erwin's soft apology. The two small words blowing away the elation of Erwin's bodily contact, it dragged away from the distraction of their intimate embrace viciously.

Tightening the hold on Erwin when his body tensed {Name} allowed Erwin to selfishly claim his climax, her own having died with the shock of his words.

Hot breath fanning over the collarbone {Name} kept Erwin's head in place with her right hand, the fingers combing through the shorter hairs of the undercut, the salty and stinging prickle of tears slid down her cheek.

If Erwin knew the reason {Name} was still alive, the truth behind the wounds he'd taken care not to aggravate, Erwin would not be the one apologising.


	13. Chapter 13

Helpless.

{Name} felt totally helpless.

With one lame arm, and unable to place weight on one leg, {Name} was forced to be reliant on Erwin.

Having discovered the night before, that from the waist down she was undressed {Name}'s modesty was kept with the blanket now being used to shield her from the view of the other men.

It was odd.

They were in a time where social propriety no longer held relevance, but still, the men kept {Name}'s personal comfort in mind. No argument or resentment showed when Erwin motioned for them to essentially step outside the clearing they were occupying so that {Name} could dress.

Behind the blanket Mike hummed quietly, the noise adding to {Name}'s growing frustration, struggling with one hand to put her feet through the leg of the trousers. Right leg unable to be raised from the seated position as it caused the stitching on her thigh to be squashed together, the pain from her first attempt still gripped her body, sending it into an almost spasm like state.

Forced to concede to Erwin's assistance {Name} felt her pride die a little when Erwin leant back on his knees, their eyes meeting {Name} knew what he wanted her to do.

Grumbling the right hand quietly reached to close with Erwin's, his body shuffling forward the free arm closed around {Name}'s back to bring her up from the tree stump. Keeping weight off the right leg, {Name} balanced on one leg when Erwin guided her right hand to hold his shoulder when he bent to ease up her trousers.

It was a humiliating experience, to have another dress {Name}. It gave {Name} a taste of what Levi went through when he was reliant on {Name} to aid him in what was a basic skill.

Using Erwin's extended arm to sit back down {Name} chose to focus on moving the fingers of her left hand.

The muscles straining and reluctant to respond {Name} guessed there would be lingering nerve damage, her shoulder shifting up an eye closed against the fresh wave of splintering heat that coursed through the appendage.

At the very least {Name} would be able to move the arm, the problem would incur with the hand only.

Placing the hand in her lap {Name} crossed the right arm over her body, the fingers snagging the makeshift modesty panel the blanket made Mike lowered it a fraction to peek over, a small smile gave on seeing that {Name} was appropriately dressed, he rolled the sheet around his arms.

 _"How are you feeling?"_ Mike's question came in a quiet breath, his body lowered to rest on his haunches the blanket bundled in his arms was set down beside the tree stump {Name} was sitting on.

Contemplating how best to answer {Name} mustered a weak smile. It was not a question {Name} could answer with complete honesty.

Physically {Name} felt like she'd been trampled by horses non stop for hours. Emotionally {Name} was embroiled in a conflict of interest, it hurt much more than the physical wounds she was in possession of.

Sensing that the two men watching {Name} were in need of a verbal response to the question of her well being, a mumbled answer that she was as expected to be was given.

It was the best {Name} could manage, considering she was not in the mood for being chatty, and still trying to collect the leftovers of her pride from being dressed by another.

Tapping Mike's shoulder with the back of the hand closest Erwin turned his attention to the crouched man _"I think it's time we deal with it."_ Foregoing outright mentioning what the subject matter was, Erwin's mask was back in place, flat and emoting nothing other than a calm but intimidating gaze.

Mike ran a hand over the collection of hair that grew around his mouth, the fingers drumming on one cheek, his thumb stroked the underside of his chin _"We should have done it last night."_ Eyes flickering to {Name} briefly they returned to stare at Erwin's consistent look, a downward dip in the edge of Mike's mouth becoming visible when the hand fell away to rest on a knee _"I will organise the men then."_ Sighing Mike stood with some reluctance, his back given to the two left in the clearing, he disappeared out of sight.

Unsure of what Erwin and Mike were speaking about {Name} inquired after the topic they'd skirted around, a narrowing of Erwin's eyes sending a shiver down {Name}'s spine.

They'd held a kangaroo court, and someone was facing a death sentence at the hands of their comrades.

 

**\--------**

 

Bound and gagged Erd's eyes burnt with seething anger. The baying mob of men who'd been his brothers in arms until a few short hours before, adding insult to the injury of the situation.

It was a judgement passed, based entirely on lies.

Not once since {Name} uttered the man's name did she expect this. From the moment Erd's name slithered out her deceitful mouth {Name} did not expect to be believed, or even have it taken seriously. At the time, {Name} did not care an ounce for the men who'd intruded on her life, tearing it apart piece by piece until she was left with nothing.

In those few short months, {Name} wanted them to suffer like they'd made her suffer. A plan that never came to fruition as Erwin never acted on the information {Name} falsely delivered.

Watching Erd struggle against the binds, his words of protesting innocence scrambled into incoherence by the cloth forced in his mouth, it wracked {Name} with guilt.

This was {Name}'s doing, this was her fault.

Clinging tightly to the tree bark {Name}'s breaths came in ragged pants, both legs burning from the stumbling and crawling that brought her to the area that was the home of the kangaroo court, {Name}'s fingers clawed at the peeling bark.

Erwin stood centre stage, calmly and meticulously loading the pistol that was usually strapped to his hip. The others creating a semi-circle around Erd, they acted in place of a jury. Except they were not professional, their words marred in misdirected and unwarranted anger, it was only Gunther who stayed silent and watching from the sideline, away from the others.

{Name} was not supposed to be witnessing, was not intended to be present at the cruel farcical that was playing out in front of her. Left in the clearing Erwin merely told {Name} that the matter was finally being dealt with, and that they'd return shortly.

{Name} was unable to sit and wait, not knowing exactly what was about to happen, {Name} somehow managed to stand, though it hadn't been for long. Body wracked in pain, and crying out in protest to {Name}'s rough handling of it, she'd finally found them.

Now that {Name} was there, she didn't exactly know what use her presence would be.

Calling out and attempting to halt the death sentence wrongly placed on Erd crossed {Name}'s mind, she'd almost done it. {Name} would have cleared Erd's name, if not for the fact it would reveal {Name} for the liar that she was.

It was too late, there was nothing {Name} could say or do that would change the outcome. If {Name} told the truth, it would be herself in Erd's position and the man who was the real culprit.

Damage done by {Name}'s cowardly effort to keep her life, she'd sent another innocent man to his death.

Erwin's thumb dragged down the gun, fingers flexing around the handle his arm was straight, not even a hint of a quiver or reluctance the muzzle was pushed firm to the centre of Erd's forehead.

In a single blink, Erd looked away, his eyes no longer burning in anger, they were sad and pleading, and staring straight at {Name}.

All it would take, was for {Name} to be honest, and Erd would be spared.

Something, which {Name} could not muster the courage to do.

It took only a second.

One small meagre second to steal away Erd's life. The echo of the shot reverberated in {Name}'s ears, ping-ponging between each ear it screamed angrily, and accusingly through her skull.

Cupping the pitiful sob in a hand {Name}'s body rolled around the tree bark until her back pressed flat against it, the supporting leg giving away {Name} let her body fall. A new pain searing through the stitched thigh accepted with little complaint {Name} ground her teeth against it. {Name} was deserving of the pain, of feeling lame and limp, {Name} in truth, despised herself.

{Name} no longer felt like the rabbit being tormented and played with by the pack of wolves that they were. {Name} was one of them, running with the pack as one of their own, accepted wholly and trusted.

{Name} did not like the person that she was becoming, that they were indirectly moulding her into. It was a far cry from the person that {Name} once was that she believed she was.

A creeping footstep brought {Name}'s head snapping up to the man standing over her. Never before had {Name} witnessed emotion portrayed so powerfully in a person's expression alone.

Hatred, anger, loathing and disgust. All and each of them meted on {Name} with one single glance, it was honestly deserved. Indirectly {Name} had murdered Gunther's best friend, with the power of her words alone.

Fingers curling into fists at Gunther's sides, the knuckles turned white rapidly, his mouth twisted in a pinch it took considerable effort for him to relax enough to speak, though {Name} quickly wished Gunther hadn't.

 _"When we first came across you, I didn't trust you. I couldn't understand why we didn't put an end to you,"_ tongue flicking out to wet his lips Gunther's fists relaxed _"But, even though I didn't want to believe it, and I was reluctant to accept it,"_

Gunther's posture broke out of its rigidity with each word he uttered: _"You've been a great help to us, with everything we have done and put you through, we owe you a lot more than we can ever hope to give you in return."_

Equal to Gunther's anger, the gratitude he was now displaying struck harder, colder and far crueller.

{Name} couldn't comprehend why they put so much faith in her, trusted almost every word that left her treacherous mouth.

{Name} was tasked with aiding the true snake among them, set to tear them down. All of them intelligent men, so dumbly blinded by {Name}'s supposed honesty.

It made {Name} want to scream, want to pull the wool she'd so carefully and without knowing placed over their eyes.

For everything they'd stolen from {Name}, they'd given more than enough in return. It was {Name} who was taking from them, while they kept giving.

Patting {Name}'s head Gunther walked away, leaving {Name} to wallow in her guilt. 


	14. Chapter 14

No one talked. Not a single word uttered, the men moved in a unanimous silence. Each man baring a different emotion on their faces, not even a glance was shared between them.

Everyone was feeling Erd's absence, though none of them wanted to talk about the reason behind it. Choosing instead to push forward, subduing their thoughts and feelings, it felt as though they were a violent lurking shadow.

Flitting in and out of {Name}'s sight, but continuously at her back, her right hand gripped tighter to the fabric that covered the chest of the man carrying her.

In a vain effort to escape the unwanted task placed upon {Name}, a long time was spent trying to convince Erwin to leave her behind. Each valid point made, batted back at {Name} with an equally reasonable counter-argument it forced {Name} to get nasty with her words.

Pointing out that Erwin's judgement was impaired by her presence merely being the tip of the iceberg of what she'd spouted in her ire.

Masking guilt with the refreshed anger at the revelation that Erwin was responsible for Levi's death, she'd displayed a vicious and vindictive side that {Name} didn't even realise she was capable of until that moment.

Nonetheless, it amounted to nothing more than Erwin's silence, and Mike stepping in to try and quell {Name}'s temper and slowly rising voice.

In the time it was decided that {Name} would be carried on someone's back until she was capable of walking on her own again. The task shared between the men, they'd accepted it without much questioning.

The backpack of the person carrying {Name} passed to another to carry until {Name} became too heavy for them, and was passed to another's back, the decision did not sit well with {Name}.

Being passed pillar to post through the men able of carrying {Name}, it gave weight to {Name}'s original argument, that she was a burden and holding them up.

That, and {Name} wanted out in any way she could manage.

 _"Sir?"_ Reiner broke the silence, the hands tucked under {Name}'s thighs had been shaking for some time, the burly blonde having carried {Name} for the longest it was no surprise that he was at his limit.

{Name} was not exactly heavy in build, but her extra weight was no doubt tiring for Reiner.

Up ahead Erwin paused, a quick glance thrown over one shoulder he looked forward briefly before swinging the backpack off his shoulder, holding it out for Mike to take Erwin dropped into a kneeling position when Reiner and {Name} approached.

Carefully Reiner lowered {Name} off his back, holding {Name}'s waist and arm Reiner guided {Name} to Erwin.

With hesitance {Name} placed both arms around Erwin's shoulders, his hands gripping each thigh when {Name} laid her body on his back. A few seconds were taken to adjusting and securing {Name} before Erwin stood up again, a twist in her neck to look back at Reiner who was stretching out his body {Name} muttered a small thank you.

With a wave of the hand, Reiner brushed away {Name}'s gratitude with a grin _"It was my pleasure,"_ speaking softly Reiner's brows wriggled playfully _"You kept me quite warm."_ Laughing, a cough covered the sound when Reiner looked away, moving through the thinning trees to find Bertholdt and relieve him of the extra backpack he'd been forced into carrying.

Adjusting until they were both comfortable {Name} placed her head on Erwin's right shoulder, fingers closing tightly {Name} chose to let her arms hangover his chest, rather than hold the front of his coat. {Name} was still displeased at Erwin's reluctance to let her stay behind, that, and the still unaddressed matter of Erwin's part in Levi's death still lingered at the forefront of her mind.

Guilt accompanied {Name}'s anger, it felt more like {Name} was intentionally holding on to what Mike revealed to her, to cover and make Erwin out to be the bad guy in the situation unfolding around {Name}.

When in reality, they were on par with each other to some degree.

Walking alongside them Mike took over for Erwin, moving up ahead to act as the point he was joined further down their spread out formation by Eren.

It left Erwin, and {Name} secluded from the others, being on the outer edge, it allowed {Name} the privacy to finally find her voice.

Gathering the scattered thoughts {Name} pursed her lips, trying to organise the words balancing at the tip of her tongue, and filter away the seething anger that threatened to roll out with them {Name} was beaten to the punch when Erwin spoke in her stead.

 _"I know Mike told you,"_ with a hint of vehemence Erwin's fingers closed tighter on the underside of {Name}'s legs _"It's been written all over your face since we left the farmhouse."_ A sidelong glance brought one of Erwin's eyes to focus on {Name}.

Lips barely parting {Name} wanted to question Erwin, but it seemed that he was not finished.

Focusing forward Erwin's nose flared in a sigh, head cocked away from {Name}'s he blinked tiredly _"I don't know what Mike is trying to do, or gain."_ Speaking as though Erwin was talking to himself, another sigh made his shoulders sag down _"I never intended to tell you."_ Admitting the intention to keep {Name} in the dark Erwin straightened his neck.

Unable to look at Erwin both eyes dropped, her fingers knotting together far more firmly to restrain them.

 _"My father never received your last two letters,"_ Erwin's breath tickled over the lobe of {Name}'s ear, it sent {Name}'s heart into a confused stuttering rhythm _"I opened them."_

Drawing her mouth into a tight line {Name} wracked her brain, trying to recall the contents of the last two letters that she'd written for Private Tommy. Though it seemed, Erwin intended to act in place of her scattered memory.

 _"You made it very clear that you wished Levi had died."_ The words cut sharply against {Name}'s ear, the skin that covered her eyes stretching wide at Erwin's interpretation of the letters _"That it was difficult to watch the man you married disappear day by day."_ Keeping his voice just above a whisper Erwin continued _"You wanted for Levi's suffering to end,"_ it became harder to decipher the emotion Erwin was portraying with each word that left his mouth.

{Name} wanted to conceive it as mocking, or even that Erwin was trying to pin the blame on {Name} for the action that Erwin took.

_"I only did, what you lacked the courage to do."_


End file.
